Wednesday, June 3, 2009


Although outwardly it seems that I have a lot of friends it's not really how it is. I have a few friends. A core group. A select few and that's all. As for the rest, they're merely acquaintances.
Outwardly I appear to be an extrovert. But inside I'm not that guy. I'm a different chap. I'm a guy who loves to spend time on my own. I need my own space. I don't share my secrets with everyone/anyone. My friends know this and allow me to be this way.
It's not important to them that I explain things. For them things fall in place. They might not know the parts but they understand the whole. And sometimes it surprises me that they do, because I've never told it to them. I don't think I've ever revealed myself to anyone. But my friends know me and that's the way it is.
Sometimes I feel all the trouble that I have with my folks is that they don't understand me. I'm not like either of them (no I'm not adopted, just a Hybrid!). I can't communicate with them the way they want me to. That's the root of most of the problems I have with my folks. There's absolutely no communication. A friend of mine once advised me to open up to them. To seek their support and understanding. But I couldn't. I can't. It's not like me to open up.
You see even with my best friend I'm not completely open. It's not that I'm not honest. No.. it's not that. It's quite often having/creating my own space to maneuver around life's problems. I don't see it as a fault. I'm extremely touchy about my privacy and have been so ever since I can remember. People close to me don't try to get too close. And that's the reason they're close to me!
The last few weeks/ months have been tough for me. I reached a nadir in my thought process. Nothing was going right (I don't want to go on and on about my depressions here like other bloggers do. But well I am talking about it so it's only fair that I touch on it a bit. ).
I haven't opened up to any one friend. No one. It's not that they can't help me. But it's that I want to find my own way through this on my own. And also I don't want to burden anyone with my worries. At least not the whole lot. I break it down. Ask for suggestions on different things from different people. Use that and try and find my way.
Some friends have really helped me these past few months. I'm not going to name them. But if they go through this blog they'll know. My friends after all! I just want to thank you people for being there.
If there's one thing I want for you guys and gals it's this.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
Love you

1 comment:

Trueblue said...

Hey AJai…too bad, am not a big fan of the game of cricket…but nonetheless…I could relate to this post u have here…(sorry neither am I, a friend nor an aquaintance but had my fingers tap this out for you) as I is like a gaint wheel…we all have a vision to behold…and when we move further…our perspective changes…so happy discovering Life…it can be fun when we promise to learn something each day…