CONDOMNATION!

Hi folks! Happy New Year to all of you. Hope you had a blast. And hope that this new year brings in lots of joy and happiness. : )

It's my first post of this new year. I thought it should be a little light-hearted one. I hope you like it.

ps: This post is complete fiction! Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. If this resmbles your life in any way do contact me. We will have lots to discuss. : ).

Scene: Son has returned home after spending the night out. He gets inside the house and without saying a word goes in to his room and goes for a bath. His mother is very upset that he's spent the night out and wants to find out what he's been up to. So she picks up his wallet and takes a look inside. She finds a condom! Below is the conversation that takes place between Mother, Father & Son. I've used M,F & S for ease of typing.

M: You know what I found when I looked inside Amit's wallet?

F: Please Lakshmi! Stop it! Give the boy his freedom. Stop snooping around.

M: Yes, give the boy his freedom! And see how he abuses that freedom! [Shows condom to Dad]

F: My God! You found that in his wallet?

M:Yes!

F: Well, I don't know what to say or do. I feel cheated.

M: You will confront him. Don't just sit on it like you did when you found out he's been smoking.

F: Yes, it's high time we had a talk with him and made it clear that he's crossed the line.

Son enters the room.

M: You lying scoundrel! You cheat! You disgust me!

S: What's happening? What's all the fuss about?

F: We found this! [Pulls out condom]

S: Where did you find it?

M: That's not important.

S: You searched my wallet didn't you? When will you people learn to respect my privacy!

M: Respect your privacy? We gave you so much freedom. See how you've abused that freedom and betrayed us.

F: I'd like to respect your freedom son. But, I have to agree with your mother on this one.

S: I cannot agree. You have infringed on my privacy.

M: The nerve of you! You think roaming about with this[points at condom] is the right thing?

S: Well, would you rather that I not use it?

F: We are asking you to refrain from the act where you will need to use it.

S: Why? The law is cool with it. Why are you folks having such a problem with it?

M: Have you no respect for our culture? Our traditions? We brought you up to respect these things.

S: Well, my culture and traditions taught me nothing about sex. I had to find out about it on my own.

F: What do you mean?

S: Remember Dad, long time back, when I was a kid, I asked you how babies are born. And you said that the mother & father get together and pray really hard and that's how babies are born. I lived with that lie till I was 14. Only then I found out the truth!

F: Well, you were too small to understand the truth.

S: I agree. But I had to find out someday. You do want grand-children don't you?

M: My God! Look how he's talking back!

F: Lakshmi, please, let's handle this like mature adults!

S: Thanks Dad, I appreciate that. When I found out the truth I didn't confront both of you. I knew it was a sensitive topic and one that cannot be discussed with parents. I understood that. I respect that.

M: Come back to the point. So why are you carrying this thing[points to condom] in your wallet?

S: I keep it in there so because I don't want you to know about it. It's not like a pen or paper that I can keep on my table. Let's face it... sex is a sensitive topic and being too open about it is not cool. And these are the kind of things you want to hide from your folks.

M: Why must you hide anything from us?

S: Amma you want me to be completely honest with you about everything? Like should I discuss my first-night with you?

F: Son, I think you're stepping the line.

S: It's an honest question Dad. Can I discuss that with you? No na. It's inappropriate. There are some things that you need to keep hidden.

F: All right, you made your point. You can find out about sex. But where's the need to practise it?

S: Dad would you have allowed me to drive a car on the highway after reading about it? I had to practise it first and then only go on the main roads. I learnt to drive and only then did I learn what kind of car I like, how I like to drive and things like that.

M: Muruga! Look how he talks!

F: Why can't you wait and get that experience with your wife?

S: Supposing I'm bad? Or she's bad? Or we are just incompatible? Isn't it better to find out things first before going in to marriage. Marriage is a big-big commitment.

M: But what will your wife think? How will she be able to trust you?

S: I'll be honest with her. I think that's extremely important in a marriage. Similarly if she's not a virgin I'd like to know first. I'm k with it if she's not a virgin. But, I want her to be honest with me.

M: Aiyo Rama! Why didn't I die before this day!

S: Marriage has to be built on trust Ma. I've learnt this from you two only. I'm just applying it to my life.

F: Trust is important. But some traditions are too!

S: Right Dad. And so what? The astrologer will tell me if this girl will be a good mate for me? The stars will reveal if this girl is a virgin or not? Tradition or trust? Most people fake things nowadays. You know it.

M: We'll find a 'pure-girl' for you.

S: Ya right, you're going to do a full body check up on her? And Mom, these days there are corrective surgeries. You won't know the truth even after checkin her thoroughly.

F: K, let's move away from this. I want you to understand that sex is a very sensitive thing.

S: I agree Dad.

F: Yes it has many consequences. You could get your partner pregnant. You could contract sexual diseases. It could have social consequences for you and your partner.

S: I agree Dad. That's why I use a condom and that's why I'm discreet about it.

Mother and Father are stumped!

"Rocket Singh"- Movie Review

I rarely go to movies. But this is one of those that I didn't want to miss out on. Many reasons and I'm going to list them here.

Firstly- Shimit Amin. He has given us the blockbuster- 'Chak De India'. But before that he gave us - 'Ab Tak Chappan'; a movie that will go down as a classic in Indian cinema. Second, I liked the little jig that Ranbir Kapoor was doing in the promo video. And finally, when I came to know that the movie was about a Salesman, I just had to catch it. For the record- My Dad's a sales guy, my Uncles are sales guys, I'm in the same line... so ya... sales kind of runs in the family.

The movie builds up really well. The scene where Ranbir Kapoor is given an intro to the job by his senior is simply brilliant. I could visualize my Dad and Uncles as the senior, and me as Harpreet Singh, looking in awe at the whole thing.

The dude who plays the Senior Salesman was just outstanding. Those are the atypical characteristics of any salesman. He's constantly looking for extra information and he knows how and when to use it. He's building a network with the 'chaay-wala', the watchman etc. He's in on the gossip of the company he's selling to. He tries to sneek in to files. Constantly on the prowl. Constantly sweet-talking.

I even remember my uncle telling me to tuck my tie in to my pocket when we were having lunch. A scene that is almost exactly re-made in the movie.

The performances are brilliant. I don't know most of the cast except for Gauhar Khan. (Yes, she's hot- and that's why I know her!) The rest of the crowd were mostly new faces; but all played their roles brilliantly.

To be honest I am kinda disappointed with the ending of the movie. I wish there were more twists and turns. And the paces slackens considerably toward the end.

The movie has a nice message. But it doesn't get too preachy; which is a good thing. I don't want to reveal too much here.

I still think it's worth a watch. So go catch it. :). Ta-da!

December 6th 1992 and Me

The views expressed in this article might be controversial to some. It is not my idea or intention to hurt anyone’s sentiments. I offer no quick-fix solutions. I’m only stating things the way I see them.

I was 7 years old on Dec 6th ’92. I remember school shutting down and we being rushed back home. I didn’t understand what really had happened. I was studying in a Hindu school and the general impression I got at the time was that something good had happened, that something was being set right after a long long time. There was some fear around. But generally there was some kind of pride building up inside all of us.

Since that day I became acutely aware of my Hindu identity. I started looking for religion in people’s names, dresses, habits. I was aware that I was buying my cricket ball from a Muslim shop and that the boy who I played cricket with was a Christian.

As years went by, I got even more radical. It didn’t help that we had moved to the Gulf where prejudice is a way of life. It had reached a state where I didn’t want to be friends with Christians or Muslims. I just didn’t trust them.

But as you grow up things get a little bit more complicated. You realize many things. It’s not only the Hindu guy who treats you well- it can be the ‘other guy’ too. It’s not only the ‘other guy’ who is insensitive and insensible- it can be the Hindu guy too. There are good people and bad people in every faith, caste or creed.

I realized that ‘they’ are not very different from ‘us’. They have the same questions about God and religion that come to our minds. They find it difficult to comprehend the complex web of spirituality and religion with the conflicting views on sexuality, morality, life, death, etc. just like we do.

Leaders manipulate people using religion, caste, nativity etc. The demagogues make you angry, they make you hate, and they control your emotions. When your blood is boiling it is very difficult to make rational decisions. Politicians thrive in this situation. They don’t want you to use your brains. They’re not good enough for it and they know it. The only way they’ll win is to use sentiment.

Looking back at that fateful day I feel ashamed of what happened. I feel cheated and abused. I feel stupid and small. Maybe I was just a child… but it still is very difficult to get over the false-pride I felt at that time.

It might be true that the particular spot is the birthplace of Lord Ram. But can any temple bring back the lives lost? Can any temple/masjid  reverse the decades of suspicion and hatred? Ram and Allah stand for love and peace. Not hatred and war. And let’s be clear- the masjid/temple is not for God, it’s more a political statement.

I’m not an authority on history so I can’t say with certainty if there was a temple before the masjid was demolished. From what little I have read, it was not uncommon for Muslim conquerors to destroy places of worship and build masjids in its place. What we should learn from that- as Hindus, Muslims and primarily as Indians is when we belittle another faith, then the damage that is done lasts for centuries. The cycle of violence, hatred, prejudice is never-ending. We don’t need that. The after-effects of the short-sighted decisions of the erstwhile Muslim rulers of India are still being felt today.

Today- You and I are the rulers of a New India. We have history to learn from. In principle, it is we who make the decisions for the future of this country. So do you want to move ahead or do you want to repeat history again? Temple/ Masjid- is it going to bring peace to our land? Can we try to forgive and forget- at least so that we are not manipulated by the scheming politicians? Please ask yourselves these questions.

mY iNteRviEw!!!

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Thanks for reading my blog. Have a super day.

AJai

My First Ever Improv.

Hi guys & gals. I know it's been a while. Been kinda hectic with the running around for the training and then i've joined this theatre work shop. We're coming up with a pantomime in Feb. Guys and gals in Chennai do come and watch. I'll keep you guys updated with the dates and all that.

I've acted in plays in school. But we were always told what to do and it was fairly easy enacting those roles. But Pantomimes are slightly different. Guys are given roles and they are required to improvise(improv in short).

I chose to try out the villain character... I did a lot of impromptu improv so I'll be recollecting my lines from memory. They might not be exact. But it should be a good read. Here we go.


"I come from a long long time ago... from a place far far far away. I am Dr EVIL!!!....and this is my story.

You see I was supposed to be the hero in all those fairy tales... but for my cursed bad luck.. damn bad luck.

Take the case of Snow White... I was supposed to enter the cottage and kiss her to release her from her curse. I reached the cottage and went inside. I found her lying down. I closed my eyes and bent down and gave her the most tremendous lip-smacking kiss I could have conjured. I opened my eyes and realized I was kissing 'Grandma'. You see I was in the wrong fairy tale... I was in 'Little Red Riding Hood'.

Now take Rapunzel... not many of you guys know that Rapunzel is actually Telugu and I would call her 'Rapu!'. So I went below the tower and I said - 'Rapu Rapu throw down your lovely hair so I may climb and be with you'. Her beautiful long hair came tumbling down and I climbed it and I found myself face to face with the wicked old man. While I was busy fighting the old man, that 'Prince Charming' fellow- without any respect for tradition, enters the tower, uses the lift, picks up Rapunzel and rides away in to the sunset. And they live happily ever after.

Finally we come to Cinderella... and this time I was prepared. I was running 6kms a day and I knew I was going to beat that damn Prince. So we were in the ball dancing away. Suddenly the clock strikes 12 and Cinderella comes running out and I chase her. That slow poch Prince coudn't catch up with us. But what happens? He stops at the stairs and ends up with the glass slipper. And I run after the carriage and end up with a pumpkin. Now I put my hand inside the pumpkin...it's nice... it's soft... but it's not Cinderella.

So now using my secret weapon I have destroyed the Prince and enslaved the 3 beauties.

Snow--- you are too SLOW. Sweep faster!
Cinderella... Cindy... Go wash my Chaddi!
Rapu...Where are you?...ah there you are... come... massage my kallu!

And this time... I'm going to live Happily Ever After."

Human Nature

I was flabbergasted. All my attempts to raise money to build the school had come to zilch. We required close to 2 lacs to build the school. All we'd managed to raise so far was a measly Rs 32,748/-.

Raj came to my office one day. We were best buddies in school. But life took us along different paths. I took to social service. Started working in NGO's and finally I set up one on my own. Raj went in to business. He was doing well. He'd already made a sizable donation to my fund and I felt guilty asking him for any more money.

I opened out to him and told him of my problems. I went on and on ranting. I told him I couldn't believe people were not willing to donate for a noble cause like this one.

"What is society coming to?"- I asked him.

He smiled and said- "Let me take care of fund raising for you".

It took me a while to realize he was serious. It wasn't like him to offer such services.

"How do you plan on doing it?"- I asked him.

"Ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies"- he replied. " Give me ten grand from whatever you've collected and 3 months time. You'll have your money".

I pondered on this a bit but finally gave in. I trusted Raj. I was very curious though as to how he was going to raise this money when all my volunteers' efforts of the past 6 months couldn't bring in any money.

One and a half months later Raj was in my office with a cheque for Rs 2,17,571/-. I was astounded.

"And there is still more coming"- he grinned.

"How did you pull it off?"

"Come I'll show you."

We took the car to a village just outside the city. Situated a little away from the main village square was a thatched hut. Inside there was a Swami sitting inside with a few disciples.

"This is it"- a gleaming Raj said.

"The Swami gave the money to you?"

"No, I set up the whole thing. I pay the Swami and his disciples to sit here. "

Furious hearing this I began to remonstrate before Raj calmed me down and explained how the idea came to him.

"I was at a temple and was looking at these beggars sitting just outside. The temple undal was just a few feet away from the beggars. I noticed people putting 50 bucks, 100 bucks, even 500 in to the undal. However, they'd drop just 1 or 2 bucks for the beggars. That's when the idea came to me. I called the beggars. Explained things to them and told them I'd set things up and they just had to act their parts."

"So I came here and found this obscure place for them. Then I went and told my wife that I wanted to meet this Swami and donate some money as his blessings had helped me. We came here and I put a big sum of money in the undal in front of her. Leave it women to spread the news like wildfire... All her friends and their friends started streaming in to this place believing my story to be true. One month down the line and we have your money."- Raj said smiling.

"You are a true businessman"- I told Raj appreciatively.

"It's really simple"- he said. "You were trying to appeal to people's charity. That never works. I was simply appealing to their greed!"

The Art of Nothingness...

The idea for this post comes to me while I'm sitting in Nungambakkam station. I'm not here to catch a train. No, I'm here to kill time!

I know most readers will find it strange. But, I count this as one of my many 'original time-pass ideas'. I've taken a train pass for 3 months. Whenever I'm bored or mind fucked I come to the station and take a train up and down the line or chumma sit on the platform. What am I doing??? Ans- NOTHING!

Yes, after an agonizing 24 years on this planet, pondering over my fate & wondering what my 'hidden' talent is, I've finally found something I'm good for. Ladies & Gentlemen- I'm GOOD FOR NOTHING!

The many years I spent in education... and I learnt NOTHING. The countless books, magazines and newspapers I've read and still NOTHING makes sense. Infinite hours of watching TV and movies and I still don't understand anything. All those long never-ending discussions with friends and family... and what's come of it??? NOTHING!

I've accomplished nothing in my life. I've never been brilliant in my studies. Never been brilliant at any sport. I have no awards. Never been been part of any of those societies or clubs. Never been on a holiday. Never left home. I've done NOTHING till date.

There are many works requiring my urgent attention... but I undertake nothing. This is not just some special day I'm talking about. This is about my everyday routine.

Folks- I'm an expert in the 'art of nothingness'. It's in my blood. It's become a part of me. Defines me... it is a part of my character. I can out do anyone in it. I can sit for hours, days, years doing NOTHING.

This has to be something special. I'm yet to come across anyone to feel threatened in this special talent of mine. In fact I dare you to think of one person in your life who has done NOTHING. I'm sure you won't come up with one. The honours are all mine... all mine.

Everyone's been telling me that I've been wasting my time. But they are wrong. This is what I'm supposed to be people. This is what I'm supposed to do. This is what I was born to do!

Having just discovered my purpose in life Ladies & Gentlemen I would like to conclude by saying that now I'm only 'good for nothing'. But, it will be my life-long endeavor to be the "best for nothing."

Thank You.