Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Crap Trap (On Jews, Trump, Feminists, Modi and everything important)

You don’t know this about me but I’m actually a Lithuanian Jew. Actually I’m not. But it’s cool to pretend. I do have an accent though. On hearing me you’d think I ‘sound intellectual’. No, it’s just that I spent way too much time in front of the TV as a kid watching American sitcoms and imitating the characters. Now I’m an original.

You’re reading this either because you’re a misogynist, or you are not, or you’re just bored the hell with life and it is an interesting title for an article. After- all with all them YouTube videos and random articles what more could one do wrong right?

I support Donald Trump because my childhood hero- Dan Bilzerian supports Trump. Too bad I don’t get to vote on the American election. I’m ‘pro-choice’ though as long as it’s mine.

I know it’s a terrible thing to be rallying around Trump these days (especially in public). It can really affect your chances of getting laid with the intellegenita (female intelligentsia). I’ve tried hard to pretend like I’m a feminist because I love the intelligenita. But I’m terrible at it. Most guys are great at it (and consequently get a lot more action from the intelligenita). They say stuff like equality for the sexes and all that. They say it so well that everyone believes in it. And the genita love it! Sigh!

To be fair to Hillary, she is a role-model to all of us- not just women. She says sensible things all the time (in comparison to Trump- Hello!). She knows how to be diplomatic. She knows that saying the truth can get you in to a lot of trouble. She knows that she needs to be on the side of public opinion all the time. So she supported her husband-Bill in ‘those tough times’. That’s a true woman I tell you. Every guy wants to be Bill with a wife like Hillary.

I know I’m contradicting myself. But it’s the truth. And the truth is contradictory.

Donald is full of himself. There’s no question about it. If there ever had to be a painting titled- ‘Vainglory’, it would have DT in it. People hate him for it. But he’s just a mirror to most people you find in life. Don’t believe me? Just check out your Facebook wall. Yes, that friend of mine needed to wish his mother on her B’day (and post one of their childhood photos together where he looks cute) so that he could get 272 likes (235 with 37 loves or that heart symbol thingy) and it would prove to the world what a doting son he is and that the whole world is proof of this. Never mind that he’s actually a prick. He’s still cool. There’s absolutely no connection between DT and this guy but I just had to rant here. Damn you world!

The real problem for most people with DT is that he is ‘too honest’. He says what comes to his mouth. This is usually a problem for most people. God knows how much I’ve kept inside me for all these years. I’d be fired by now if I told my boss/clients/ friends/ women what exactly I felt like at any moment. But for DT he’s somehow managed to get away with it. And that really is an enigma.

There was a study done by the Harvard Business Review which said that the number one reason for success in any field was confidence. Not that it makes any sense. But I just wanted to put it in this piece confidently.      

I actually don’t know who the better candidate is- ‘Grandma’ or ‘Crazy Grandpa’ (with the uber hot wife). I’m just going with the judgement of my hero Dan. After-all, Dan knows what he is doing. Just look at his life.

Now, in the Indian context (although I’m a pretending Lithuanian Jew) – I support/do not support Modi depending on- a) how hot you are b) how available (or feminist*) you are and c) what will make me look cool with your hot friends (if you are not a & b). For the rest of you- go find another article to read, nonsense, don’t waste my time.

*Truth: Most men support feminism overtly because they equate it with promiscuity among women (inside they’re all MCPs). That coupled with birth-control means more opportunities. Now ‘that’ is a cause worthy of support (who doesn’t like fun ah? Yes, let’s go all watch ‘Pink’, and take home the message. And Amitabh Bachan really wanted to tell his grand-daughters about the whole feminist thing in that public letter. It was just coincidental that his movie released at the same time.) Most women support feminism because they think it’s cool to be like men (Like really? Puhleez!). Everyone is original.

Now, I know this whole piece can come across as very cynical. But it’s not true. I’m actually an optimist. I like to believe in the greater call of humanity, that people do things for others selflessly and that we must be more than just ourselves.  Yes, I believe very strongly in the cause of the English Premier League.

Now, I know most reviews/opinions here will be negative. That’s just because you’re all anti-Semitic. Beware the Zionist movement will come at you. Shalom.

PS: According to my friends I drink too little these days.