Thursday, October 25, 2012

Regression


Regression

I bought a bottle of rum and coke,
And regretted it
Never liked the shit, bought it for nostalgia,
Smoked up a few with fuckers I don’t like,
Because I wanted communion
There’s no joy in that shit anymore, it’s silly
Its insanity
Felt silly, felt odd, was putrid.
All the fucked up things, come flooding back in to my head,
I loved a girl,
She knows now I’m a loser. I’m happy
For her
But not for myself
That sonovabitch was rude to me on the phone,
I tried to give it back to him but failed miserably.
The conductor didn't have change and so I was the most
 Useless piece of shit
That he ever came across.
My boss wonders where my fire died,
It’s still there- I lied.
I talked to an old teacher about on old lesson,
She thinks I’m cuckoo.
Miss…would you like a kiss?
It’s not bulls & bears
Its bull shit and bearly understandable
My phone beeps, and there
Never is a fucking message for me.
Solved a problem,
That was easy… here’s another bigger one you moron!
The waiter scratched his balls,
And dipped his finger in my glass,
And at that fucking moment I felt thirsty.
Bought new shoes,
Rest of the wardrobe is 2 years old with slight malfunctions.
Sex is always on my mind,
It gets hard inside my pants
When I think of that actress with fake lips
And a beautiful bosom
Listen to sad songs
And it pulls strings in my heart
Like that girl I wrote poetry for,
Though I never loved her
My writing sucks,
This is supposed to be a poem
Where’s the rhyme you ask?
Do you even understand?
Why do I fucking bother?
My back hurts
Means I have the license to be lazy
It’ll never get better,
Nothing ever does.
The regret. The end. Period.

Author's note: Writing style inspired by Don DeLillo's Americana. Narrative is in first person and random sentences are brought together without any cohesion. Use of strong words to create powerful imagery. Designed to provoke dark humor. 

7 comments:

issam siddique said...

brilliant boyo...what love, what feel. so full of zeal..let it flow.until it emptIes your bottle of despair I say.

AJai said...

@issam
Thanks babe for those warm... very warm words...;-)

AJai said...

@all
Most readers are finding the dark stuff too difficult to comprehend. I've even got calls today to confirm if I'm alive. I'm alive and well and have added an author's note to the poem for clarification. Some instances in the poem are autobiographical but a majority of it is fiction. Appreciate having so many concerned friends. Please read it in jest. Thanks.

Rakesh Vanamali said...

AJ - I am so reminded of Radiohead's super track - Creep as i read these really powerful lines.

Creep was my 'anthem' when i was a teen and continues to be among my top favs even now, so so many years after.

The feeling i get when i read these brilliantly crafted lines is the same that i get choked on, in a deeply personal way, while listening to creep! Extremely powerful, deeply connected, intricately interwoven, truly evocative and most importantly intensely reflective!

And, i have one word to sum up for your lines, in my own inimitable yet elementary way - PEACE!

;-)

sh..... said...

Best one in your list!!! loved it!!

AJai said...

@Raks
I write for those kind of comments.

AJai said...

@sh
Glad! :-)