Bangalored!

For the past couple of days I’ve had friends and well-wishers enquiring about me. Where have you been? What news? Why no funny FB updates? Yada yada yada.

Well… you see… I’ve been Bangalored. I’m going to explain that to you. So don’t rush. Ps: this post is going to be random because I’m just in the flow.

On April 21^st I landed in this city. I got down somewhere near Forum mall (the landmarks are all malls in this city) and rang up my great friend Mr. U. It’s 7 in the morning. And I’m in the middle of the road with all my life’s belonging packed up from Cochin (3 small trolley bags and one air bag if you’re wondering what I’m worth).  And I call U and he doesn’t pick up. I’m stranded in the middle of the road for half an hour and U doesn’t pick up. That brings me to one of the most important rules in Bangalore- No one wakes up early. If you expect someone to meet you early in the morning 9 times out of 10 it is not happening. The one time it may happen is when he/she has been drinking the whole night and hasn’t slept a wink. That’s the only time Bangaloreans see early morning!

But, I don’t blame them. I empathize with them. You see for a morning guy I used to get irritated that you don’t get a hot cuppa at 6 in the morning. But, now I understand that it’s nearly impossible to wake up in the morning in this city. The climate is just so frigging awesome that you just want to cuddle up under your blanket and snooze away to glory. It’s a pain trying to wake up, it really is. Ah… the climate!

Well, in life you always have to have a plan B. So Randi way my plan B. Randi will be up in the morning. Randi is not Bangalorean (and you will never be!), he’s Mangalorean! And off I went to Randi’s place. Randi cooked for me, cleaned up after me, spent money on me, took care of me so well. The only problem is that he has a girl friend. Sigh! (Ps: girl friend thinks she might lose him to me sometime.)

Office was simple enough. Day one I was told what to do and ten minutes later I was expected to be doing it. Work’s more fun in Bangalore I have to admit. It helps that I have a boss who explains things to me in a language that I understand. “Wealth management is a function of knowledge skills”, he says. “You need to constantly update yourself or”, he pauses for emphasis; “you need a good pair of tits. So what would you like to develop?” See, simple choices.

There’s money in the city. Insane amounts of it. It’s mind boggling for a guy who’s fascinated about numbers and money (I am both). And the best part is most people don’t have a frigging clue what to be doing with it (and that’s where I as a professional money manager come in!).

Office is a crazy place. The 3 of us in my team are obsessed with money and we spend all our talking about it. Asset allocation, planning, taxation, fund selection and most importantly- numbers. The kind of stuff we’ve been discussing and researching could fill up a couple of volumes on Wealth Management. I’m loving every moment of it. It’s also the first time I’ve worked in a place where most of the women come to office in skirts. I love it.

When you land down in Bangalore you get the feel that you’re in the middle of one giant party. Bangalore is all about having a good time. And everything is done in excess. Everyone’s always talking about booze and food. There’s a million restaurants and pubs in the city dishing out every conceivable type of cuisine. This is the booze capital of India. It’s a pleasure to walk in to a beverage outlet with the fancy lights and designer set-up and find variety of alcohol available for you to choose from. No wonder Vijay Mallya is from this city. It’s the culture here.

And it’s almost a sin to be vegetarian here. Even Brahmins here are beef-addicts. The only vegetarians here are the ones imported from outside. And even they (have to in order to be ‘cool’ enough) compromise with egg. One day at this pub after taking our order (beef, chicken, mutton and some more beef) my vegetarian roomie orders something veg. And the waiter goes like- “Saar athu vegetarian saar!” It is not expected that you will eat veg.

And so let me move on to my PG. I stay off Brigade road. Those in the know will have questions like- How? What? Really? Yes, I stay just off Brigade road, bang in the heart of the city. It took me a week to find this place. I walk to office (which is every Bangalorean’s dream never going to be realized). There’s 8 of us here in the PG. And I’m proud to say that each one is a character (I always end up in places like this!). We’ve already had long nights with guys playing the guitar, random chatting, ranting about the land-lord and his assistant. It’s good fun. Almost like a college hostel.

What I don’t like about B’lore is that it makes you feel like you need a car and you need a girl-friend(girl-friend and not wife, pls note the distinction). It hits you. So much that you could almost punch a guy with either and murder the guy with both. I don’t know why it is exactly but it a sentiment that many guys have shared with me. Must be the climate- ideal for romantic long-drives. (I’m getting old!)

This place is also a smoker’s paradise. You can light up wherever and whenever you want. Every small shop will have every brand of cigarette. It’s crazy. One thing I don’t get is why the quantities of food and drink are so small in this city. You order for a tea and they give it to you in one small plastic cup. Two sips and it’s over. You order a masala dosa and it fills half a small plate. However, you go to a pub and order a pitcher and it’s one massive one. I just don’t get it!

Initially the pace of life in the city was something I needed to adjust to. Cochin is dead at 8 P.M. Here I’m in office till 9:30. But it’s something I’ve slowly got accustomed to. And actually the pace of life is not hectic at all. People just stay out longer. You see the concept of “just chilling” must have been invented in B’lore. You call up a guy/girl and ask what he/she’s doing and the reply will be “just chilling”. And you can picture in your mind what exactly the other person is doing. It fits.  People from other places/ from a previous generation would think that it’s just a waste of time. No it’s not. It’s just chilling!

So I’ll leave you with that. Chill madi- enjoy madi! (Ps: picking up a smattering of Kannada and will be using it more often in my posts.)

Perfect

“We’re perfect for each other!”

“Ha ha… why do you say so?”

“It’s obvious. You have to be blind or stupid to not see it.”

“Well, I’m not blind, so are you suggesting that I’m stupid?”

“Just like you to read a double meaning in something unintentional. All right, you tell me why we are not?”

“Why we are not what?”

“Not perfect.”

“It’s obvious.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Yes, it is. You’re seeing things where there are none.”

“Look, we spend a lot of time together. We’re always laughing and it’s generally a good time when we hang out. We’re constantly in touch through whatsapp and phone calls. We’ve shared a lot of personal bits of our lives. We wouldn’t do that unless we were comfortable with each other and we trusted each other.”

“Agree. But, that’s not reason enough for me to get in to a relationship.”

“Oh, come on! It’s been ages since I’ve even kissed a girl.”

“See, the truth comes out. It’s physical for you, nothing else!”

“Yes, yes it is! I have to kiss you. I’m not ashamed of it. I’ve wanted to for many months now.”

“And after we’ve kissed?”

“We’ll kiss some more.”

“Ha ha… and after that?”

“Well, if you’d really like it then I could arrange for Ram’s room and you know maybe we could…”

“Could?”

“Roll around in bed a bit.”

“Ha ha… you know what I like about you. You are honest.”

“Good. See one more good thing about me.”

“You idiot. Fine, let me put it in words for you. After we’ve kissed and made out and whatever then what happens?”

“We’ll get married, have kids, send them away after a few years and then grow old with each other. Oh yes, there will be a lot of fighting along the way. I’ll usually win. It’s okay, I’m a generous winner. And the small things like buy a house, a car, settle down, lots and lots of love-making etc.”

“It’s all so simple for you na?”

“Isn’t that how it is for everyone?”

“Look, I don’t want to get in to something and have my heart broken again.”

“Me neither!”

“Yes, we’ve been through enough of that. So this time when I take a call I want to be dead serious about it. It’s final. I’m not going to change my mind. It has to be perfect.”

“I’m on the same page. And I think you are perfect for me. I think we are perfect for each other.”

“Look, I really like you… but…”

“But, I’m not perfect.”

“Please, don’t put it like that. Look you are funny, charming, intelligent, loving and gosh… I really don’t know why but it doesn’t feel right. Not yet at least.”

“You forgot ‘understanding’ in your list of attributes.”

“Oh yes, that also.”

“Are you waiting for prince charming again?”

“No, come on, don’t tease me.”

“Look, I know you’ve been through a lot. I’ve been very open about my past too. So you know where exactly I come from. Maybe I’m not the ‘prince-charming’. I know I’m not the greatest looker at all. But, I care about you. And, I think it could work between us.”

“Why do you hesitate?”

“Hesitate?”

“Hesitate to say you love me.”

“Oooo boy! Okay, here goes. Well, I’m afraid of getting my heart broken again.”

She reaches out to his hand on the table. They hold each other and look at each other. At that moment the waiter arrives.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“No thanks. We’re perfect!”

Equinox

It wasn’t that day and night were of the same duration. The fact was that where day ended and night began (or vice-versa) had ceased to be of any relevance. It was equinox.

Life didn’t matter anymore, neither did death. Which was why he was where he was. He lit a cigarette, dragging it in slowly. He had to wait. He could wait. Time didn’t matter anymore. There was nothing to go back to.

He was aware of day and night and what each meant. But they had ceased to be of any relevance to him in a personal way. Day meant that the sun would be out and there would be light. Night meant that you had to arrange your own light- that’s it. He couldn’t remember when he’d last slept so there was no way his body clock could react to the rotations of the earth.

Hiding behind a rock he took out his binoculars and scanned the sea. He noticed a light flashing. It was morse code. He smiled to himself- it was the right place. He then scanned the beach. Up about a distance of a kilometer he could notice a boat with two men replying back in code by means of a torch light.

The two men slowly guided their boat in to the sea and made out towards their target. The rendezvous would be at sea. It would take time. He waited and while he did that the mind began to ponder.

He had wanted to surprise her. He remembered walking in to the house without making a sound and tip-toeing his way across all the rooms looking for her. Finally, he’d moved upstairs in to the bedroom and that is when his life had come crumbling down.

He realized it was trauma that kept bringing back that scene in to his memory. His heart was cold and he no longer had any emotion when he played the scene in his head. It came back to him out of sheer habit. It had numbed him.

He moved closer to the landing point. From a suitable distance he took out his rifle and took aim. He had a clear view. He then placed the rifle by his side and took out the binoculars to once more scan the horizon. It had taken 6 months of work to get to this point. Now it was within his grasp.

But, did it matter? Was he going to be happy once he’d accomplished his mission? What next? Was all this worth anything? How long was he going to go on like this? These thoughts kept playing in the back of his head while his eyes remained focused on the horizon.

Finally the boat came again in to view. There were 3 men on the boat this time. There also seemed to be some crates on board. The sea was getting rough and the men were having a tough time trying to negotiate their way back to coast.

He needed to confirm what was in the crates and therefore waited for the boat to land before he took aim. The boat hit ground and the 3 men got off. They beached the boat on the shore and were about to unload their cargo when one of the men fell down flat on his face much to the surprise of his mates. The other two were looking at each other when one of them found a small bindi type dot forming on the others forehead and suddenly that same man had fallen flat on his face too.

Aleem had been too surprised to react when suddenly he felt a searing pain in his neck. He fell on to the sand and grasped at the wound with both his hand and felt himself suffocating.

“You move and I will kill you” -came a voice from behind Aleem.

Aleem strained to make out the features. He could feel his vision blurring. With a determined effort to focus he took a good look at the man. He was shocked.

“Abdul!”

“I want to know where the consignment came from”- said the man.

“You deceiving son of a pig! How could you?”

“Let’s not get in to too many details. You are dying. You are going to die. If you cooperate I will make it easier for you. Else you may wish yourself dead and hope that it happens sooner rather than later.”

“I treated you like my brother. I had even spoken to Ummi about giving you Sana’s hand in marriage. You ate and slept at my home for so many months. And all the while you were double-crossing us.”

The man smiled and said- “The truth can be a bitch.”

 “Son of a pig! You will go to hell for this!”

“I’m guessing that the stuff came from the Norwegian ship- ‘The Queen’. From there it was on-loaded to a smaller vessel called- ‘The Katgi’. In fact my guess is that it was the Katgi that signaled you guys from sea.”

Aleem remained silent and defiant. With an effort he spat in the direction of the man. What came out was more blood than sputum.

He was sorry for Aleem. He had fooled him completely. Aleem was a nice man but in the wrong profession. The man took out his pistol and took aim. Aleem’s forehead was pierced in an instant. He could have waited and prolonged Aleem’s agony. But it was not in his nature to do so. He wasn’t evil. It was the only kind of mercy that he was capable of.

He climbed on board the little boat and opened the crates. It was quality A-1 heroin. He removed the packets one by one and made a huge fire to destroy them. Once that was done he dug a huge pit and dumped the 3 bodies in to it. He then covered it up. He had with him a few sticks of dynamite. He placed them on the boat attached to a timer. He then pushed the boat out to sea. In ten minutes the boat exploded comfortably away from coast. He’d gotten rid of all evidence.

The B-gang would be confounded. This was the biggest operation they’d been planning for over a year. They would have no way of finding out what exactly had happened to their consignment. There was no trace at all. They’d be going around in circles trying to figure exactly what had happened.

It had all gone perfectly according to plan. He was supposed to be happy and so he smiled. But it didn’t come from within. Suddenly he felt weary. He hated himself. Aleem was right- he did deserve to go to hell.

Maybe this was hell he thought to himself. The never ending equinox.