For the past couple of days I’ve had friends and
well-wishers enquiring about me. Where have you been? What news? Why no funny
FB updates? Yada yada yada.
Well… you see… I’ve been Bangalored. I’m going to explain
that to you. So don’t rush. Ps: this post is going to be random because I’m
just in the flow.
On April 21st I landed in this city. I got down
somewhere near Forum mall (the landmarks are all malls in this city) and rang
up my great friend Mr. U. It’s 7 in the morning. And I’m in the middle of the
road with all my life’s belonging packed up from Cochin (3 small trolley bags and
one air bag if you’re wondering what I’m worth). And I call U and he doesn’t pick up. I’m
stranded in the middle of the road for half an hour and U doesn’t pick up. That
brings me to one of the most important rules in Bangalore- No one wakes up
early. If you expect someone to meet you early in the morning 9 times out of 10
it is not happening. The one time it may happen is when he/she has been
drinking the whole night and hasn’t slept a wink. That’s the only time Bangaloreans
see early morning!
But, I don’t blame them. I empathize with them. You see for
a morning guy I used to get irritated that you don’t get a hot cuppa at 6 in
the morning. But, now I understand that it’s nearly impossible to wake up in
the morning in this city. The climate is just so frigging awesome that you just
want to cuddle up under your blanket and snooze away to glory. It’s a pain
trying to wake up, it really is. Ah… the climate!
Well, in life you always have to have a plan B. So Randi way
my plan B. Randi will be up in the morning. Randi is not Bangalorean (and you
will never be!), he’s Mangalorean! And off I went to Randi’s place. Randi
cooked for me, cleaned up after me, spent money on me, took care of me so well.
The only problem is that he has a girl friend. Sigh! (Ps: girl friend thinks
she might lose him to me sometime.)
Office was simple enough. Day one I was told what to do and
ten minutes later I was expected to be doing it. Work’s more fun in Bangalore I
have to admit. It helps that I have a boss who explains things to me in a
language that I understand. “Wealth management is a function of knowledge skills”,
he says. “You need to constantly update yourself or”, he pauses for emphasis; “you
need a good pair of tits. So what would you like to develop?” See, simple
choices.
There’s money in the city. Insane amounts of it. It’s mind
boggling for a guy who’s fascinated about numbers and money (I am both). And
the best part is most people don’t have a frigging clue what to be doing with
it (and that’s where I as a professional money manager come in!).
Office is a crazy place. The 3 of us in my team are obsessed
with money and we spend all our talking about it. Asset allocation, planning,
taxation, fund selection and most importantly- numbers. The kind of stuff we’ve
been discussing and researching could fill up a couple of volumes on Wealth
Management. I’m loving every moment of it. It’s also the first time I’ve worked
in a place where most of the women come to office in skirts. I love it.
When you land down in Bangalore you get the feel that you’re
in the middle of one giant party. Bangalore is all about having a good time.
And everything is done in excess. Everyone’s always talking about booze and
food. There’s a million restaurants and pubs in the city dishing out every conceivable
type of cuisine. This is the booze capital of India. It’s a pleasure to walk in
to a beverage outlet with the fancy lights and designer set-up and find variety
of alcohol available for you to choose from. No wonder Vijay Mallya is from
this city. It’s the culture here.
And it’s almost a sin to be vegetarian here. Even Brahmins here
are beef-addicts. The only vegetarians here are the ones imported from outside.
And even they (have to in order to be ‘cool’ enough) compromise with egg. One
day at this pub after taking our order (beef, chicken, mutton and some more
beef) my vegetarian roomie orders something veg. And the waiter goes like- “Saar
athu vegetarian saar!” It is not expected that you will eat veg.
And so let me move on to my PG. I stay off Brigade road.
Those in the know will have questions like- How? What? Really? Yes, I stay just
off Brigade road, bang in the heart of the city. It took me a week to find this
place. I walk to office (which is every Bangalorean’s dream never going to be
realized). There’s 8 of us here in the PG. And I’m proud to say that each one
is a character (I always end up in places like this!). We’ve already had long
nights with guys playing the guitar, random chatting, ranting about the
land-lord and his assistant. It’s good fun. Almost like a college hostel.
What I don’t like about B’lore is that it makes you feel
like you need a car and you need a girl-friend(girl-friend and not wife, pls
note the distinction). It hits you. So much that you could almost punch a guy
with either and murder the guy with both. I don’t know why it is exactly but it
a sentiment that many guys have shared with me. Must be the climate- ideal for
romantic long-drives. (I’m getting old!)
This place is also a smoker’s paradise. You can light up
wherever and whenever you want. Every small shop will have every brand of
cigarette. It’s crazy. One thing I don’t get is why the quantities of food and
drink are so small in this city. You order for a tea and they give it to you in
one small plastic cup. Two sips and it’s over. You order a masala dosa and it
fills half a small plate. However, you go to a pub and order a pitcher and it’s
one massive one. I just don’t get it!
Initially the pace of life in the city was something I
needed to adjust to. Cochin is dead at 8 P.M. Here I’m in office till 9:30. But
it’s something I’ve slowly got accustomed to. And actually the pace of life is
not hectic at all. People just stay out longer. You see the concept of “just
chilling” must have been invented in B’lore. You call up a guy/girl and ask what
he/she’s doing and the reply will be “just chilling”. And you can picture in
your mind what exactly the other person is doing. It fits. People from other places/ from a previous
generation would think that it’s just a waste of time. No it’s not. It’s just
chilling!
So I’ll leave you with that. Chill madi- enjoy madi! (Ps:
picking up a smattering of Kannada and will be using it more often in my posts.)
