Monsieur Booboochoo

My beloved Monsieur Boo,

You would have turned 14 today. You came in to our lives exactly 13 years and 11 months back. I remember every minute of that day like it was just yesterday. When we went to the vet to select a pup there was a litter spread across the table. I picked you instantly. I don’t know why. But it was the sister’s choice and I hoped that she would choose you. And she did!

Man, you were so tiny! You were always a small guy. Don’t get me wrong there, I mean only physically. But, when I look back at the pics of you as a pup… man how could you have been that small? Haha… you were so cute!

It was hard not to fall in love with you just by your looks. And then of course the pranks as you grew up and our relationship was sealed forever. I always had this type of relationship with you. I could just talk and you would just listen. I’m going to miss that. No one listens to me nowadays!

You know, maybe I could have been better. Spent more time with you, bought you more chew toys, rubber balls, pillows and pedigree. But, at that time, I don’t know, maybe I wasn’t thinking. I know it didn’t matter to you. But I still wish I’d done it.

A friend recently told me that that’s what we humans do best. Hope for a better past. I’m sure you don’t get it. You don’t need to also because it is silly. But it’s a human trait. And you know I’m human after all (Yes I am boo… we are not of the same species!). I think for some special people it’s okay to want that.

Ah my boo… I remember taking relationship advice from you once. Well, basically I made you choose between two fingers. And then when it all blew up I gave you a piece of my mind and you gave me ‘that look’. You know ‘the look’, yes you do! ‘The look’ that said- “okay now rub my head, right there, just behind the ears”.

You know I remember feeling used by you, especially when the sister used to come home for the holidays. She’d spoil you silly and you’d forget my existence. Except, of course, when it came for your morning walk! Then without any hesitation or shame for ignoring me for the previous 24 hours you would just jump on the bed and scratch my hand at 5 bloody 30 in the morning to take you out. It used to be a pain to wake up boo. But man, I loved it when you took me out for a walk.

Yes, it was you who used to take me out for a walk! I recently saw a play with a dog character. The dog says matter of fact that he takes his mistress out for a walk. That’s exactly the way you used to see it I’m sure.  

I don’t know how, when or why I started calling you Monsieur Booboochoo. We all had different names for you.  This was mine.

Back in the early days I remember having this dream of you running about in a large garden. And I realized in the dream itself that you know maybe it wasn’t fair to you growing up in the small house. You were indoors all the time except for maybe three times a day. And I wished that large garden for you and it broke my heart. I also remember reading that dogs are colour blind and for some silly reason it brought tears to my eyes.

Boo, I hope where ever you are there is a large garden for you to play in with plenty of munchies. Don’t worry there won’t be any baths or vets or injections. I hope you can see the colour of everything and revel in it. I hope you remember my smell because when I come to that garden I’d like you to take me for a walk. I’ll even hold the leash if you want me to.

Yours  

Conversing with a Woman

FD recently moved in to a flat with two women. FD is the only guy I know who can manage such feats and be absolutely nonchalant about it.

I confided to him my interest in “both” his flat mates. And the good man that he is he agreed to ‘wing’ for me. We just had to wait for the opportune moment.

And so suddenly a few days back I get a message from FD. It read- “Man if I wing for you any more I’ll probably start flying!”

Turns out that I came up in a conversation with one of his flat mates. Something to do with books. FD casually mentioned that I was one of those guys who read a book a week and that immediately caught her interest. “He’s kinda cute and also looks like he’s read a lot. You should call him over sometime.”

 BANG!

That chance happened yesterday. FD called me over for lunch. It was already 12PM and I was planning lunch with colleagues when I got the message. He said that he’d give me a 30 minutes heads up. Okay, cool, so I got to wait. “Patience” is my virtue.

About 2:15 I get the next message saying that I’d better eat something light as lunch would be really late. Great! So I ‘lightly’ gobbled up two biryanis. During lunch I get a message saying come over anyway and that he’d organize something. So another lunch now? No problem- I’m Mr. Flexible.

It was about 4PM when I got there. I walk in to this lovely scene- the sunlight coming in through the balcony and this very pretty lady sitting on a couch reading a book. FD has his camera hanging around his shoulders and he’s shooting her.

Now how cool is that? How I wished I was the photographer. Every girl loves to be photographed. And if you’re a pro like FD is then it just scores you so many more brownie points.

And this guy FD has a way with women. A true gentleman, he’s always soft-spoken and well behaved. He also takes great care of himself and is always on the top of his game when it comes to looks and style. He’s charming, mature, amiable and has a great witty sense of humor. He knows how to make conversation (especially with women- something that I have perennially struggled with!). And this guy is “winging” for me!

So I sat there opposite her. I could have sat there the whole evening just looking at her. But that would have looked odd it would. I get a message on my phone. It’s FD telling me to talk about books. Oh yes! That was my key!

So I asked her what book she was reading. Sheryl Sandberg’s- ‘Lean In’, she replied.  So to carry on the small talk I asked her what it was about. And then the dam burst! She explained that it was about the feminist movement and how women need to take on more responsibility and how there aren’t enough women at the top in the corporate world and how women don’t get equal pay as men and why is it the women’s responsibility to raise children and you know blah blah blah. She went on and on. Man- this chick was really passionate about this stuff!

Now I know that chicks dig humor. So I was looking for an opening to say something funny. But how do you say something funny about the feminist movement without sounding offensive?  So I carried on a serious conversation. I must have come across as a bore.

She must have got bored because after a while she broke off conversation and moved in to her room. FD and I had some work to catch up on and so we went about that. A little later she came back out and was observing us working.  I hope that at least came across as cool!

She suggested we go boating. FD asked me if I wanted to go and I nodded my head with an obvious expression on my face (don’t worry- she wasn’t looking).

So we went to the lake where we could hire peddle boats. We had to wait a bit for the boat. While waiting we saw some guys fishing in the lake. They were pulling a fish out and almost immediately throwing it back in. It was ridiculous! She enquired as to what they were doing and of course I had to act.

Now these fishing boys were Tamil boys. So I enquired what they were up to. “Oh nothing, just having fun.” Armed with this information I hoped to dazzle my lady. As I revealed it she just said- “Oh!” and went back to staring at the horizon.

The peddle boat came and I shoved FD to the back. “You have to take photos”- I told him.

So the pretty lady and I began peddling the boat. I let her steer the boat. She was peddling too fast and I was using up all my reserves just to keep up. We settled in to a rhythm soon thankfully and from there on I could shift my focus from the peddling.   

 And now my thoughts turned to striking a conversation with the chick. I said the obvious things. “Wow- this is beautiful!”, “I didn’t know this could be so much fun”, “Oh- the breeze” and stuff like that. My mind was searching for something to make this interesting for us but she just kept mum.

And then suddenly she opened up. “FD look at that bird!” I wanted to scream and say- “Hello! I’m here too! What the hell?”

And FD looks at the bird and says- “Ya, that’s nice. I used to do bird watching long before. Note down the different species and stuff like that.” To which she enthusiastically replied- “Oh ya? That’s so cool! I used to do it back home too!”

Now the only kind of bird watching I’m used to doing is a very different kind of bird watching. I don’t think that would have scored me any brownie points.

Oh well okay- so this chick likes birds. And so after that every time I saw a bird I would go- “Wow guys look at that!”  And they would just look up and say something like “Oh!”

Finally the tortuous boat ride was over. We got back home. She said she had to catch up on some stuff and went back to her room. And FD gave me a ‘what do I do with this guy’ look.  

Anyway FD and I went back to finishing off our work. As I took leave she was back in the living room. I told her I was leaving and she smiled.

I came out thinking nice- I at least got her to smile!         

The Kesavan Advisory Services Ltd

Advising is in the Kesavan blood. As a family we are proud of our heritage, proud of our culture, proud of our accomplishments. But, most of all we are proud of the advice that we disperse (freely!).

Grandpa Kesavan used to fill me with stories of how people benefitted from his advice and moved on to great things in life (I used to listen with rapt attention!). Daddy Kesavan is the same (though he regrets that his own son never took his ‘advice’ seriously). Sr Uncle Kesavan and Jr Uncle Kesavan are also the same (and have the same regrets with the 3^rd gen!!!).

Grandpa Kesavan once ‘advised’ the Kuwait Investment Authority to come out of their position in IBM. They made a cool $ 32 million on the trade (back in the 80’s). Daddy Kesavan once ‘advised’ his friend’s son who was home sick and wanted to leave Dubai to stay put and ‘fight it out’. Now, that boy is doing very well and has even bought his parents a house.

Sr. Uncle Kesavan once ‘advised’ this young bright chap from the village who was working in a pharmacy to apply for a position as a medical rep. Now that same boy is in senior management with one of the pharma MNCs.

Jr Uncle Kesavan had this friend Vasu who was a cook for Daddy Kesavan’s aunt. One fine day Dad’s cousin came home with some friends who were planning to open a restaurant in Moscow. Vasu had to prepare the lunch. And lo and behold when the ‘payasam‘(Kheer for North Indians) came out the guests were blown away. They immediately offered him a job. Aunt was not too happy so Vasu came to Jr Uncle Kesavan for ‘advice’. “Go for it man”- was the response and so Vasu who’d never been out of his village moved to Moscow. He came home a couple of years back and had this to say- “Jr Uncle Kesavan is God!”

It is natural for people to come to the Kesavans for advice. I’ve had my own share too. I once had this friend who was stuck between 2 choices his father had given him. One was to do the Indian Economic Service exams and the other was to go to UK for his Masters. Poor chap was confused. I broke it down for him simply. “Blonde or Indian boyo? That’s the choice you got to make!” He chose blonde and within 6 months he had his blonde babe!

The other interesting anecdote was this one time with a friend. He had just got married and was about to go for his “Suhaag Raat”. And he’d come to me for advice! The situation was made even more complicated as there was no internet! I think we managed rather well between us. He now has a kid!

Then there was this case recently of a 19 year old that came to me asking for advice on “how to get popular with the ladies”. (Those who know me please don’t laugh!!!) Some idiot had given him the idea that it was as simple as going to a ‘dance-bar’ and “talking” to them. I corrected the poor chap and explained to him what a dance-bar is and that his ‘friend’ was probably referring to a ‘club’. This is still a work in progress and I shall keep you posted.

Then again there was this case where these 2 girls were acting in a play and they were clearly struggling. I came in. “We are not getting this right”- I nodded my head. “We need to change this”- I nodded my head.  “We should do this”- I nodded my head. They made the changes and were brilliant. “Oh Ajai- you’re such a great actor, and such such big help. We can’t thank you enough!”(ps: Advising women is easy- they will point their problems and come out with their own solutions. You just need to nod your head and they’ll love you for it. )

So the next time you need advice you know who you should go to!

On What is to be Done

For the past 10370 days I’ve struggled with the idea/concept that I need to do something with my life. Readers of my blog (there are a few around!) will immediately connect to a similarly reflective post written about 4 years ago.

But I’m wiser today (got grey around my temples), more mature (I hope so!) and have a better understanding of what it is to live (or struggle rather!).

I believe I have better perspective today (I see many of my ‘fans’ nodding their heads in disagreement). But, somewhere I feel that I lack clarity (my fans now nod in agreement). And this post is to, sort of, help me with that (my fans go- O.K!).

I’m a deeply reflective sort of person. I can reflect on anything and everything. There are times when I reflect on my reflections. Then I reflect on my reflections of my reflections. And then on my reflections of my reflections of my reflections. And if I’m not doing that, I reflect on why I’m not reflecting.

Many of you would have rightly concluded that this guy suffers from “analysis paralysis”. I guess it comes from a person who’s totally in love with himself (narcissist is a negative word for the same). That’s also why most of my posts are in first person.

So where I am going with this? Patience my dear reader.

I want to be “successful”. Yes, I do (you wouldn’t believe what I had to overcome to write that one small line down). Now, that’s kind of broad- I know!

How would I define “success”? Success is a journey. And in this journey of mine I would like to accomplish the following things-

1.       Become a great sales person.

2.       Become a great businessman.

3.       Become a great writer.

4.       Become a great finance person.

And I would like to fully utilize and create any opportunity that is out there to help me excel in all of the above.

That’s it. That’s all this post is about.

AJai  

Bangalored!

For the past couple of days I’ve had friends and well-wishers enquiring about me. Where have you been? What news? Why no funny FB updates? Yada yada yada.

Well… you see… I’ve been Bangalored. I’m going to explain that to you. So don’t rush. Ps: this post is going to be random because I’m just in the flow.

On April 21^st I landed in this city. I got down somewhere near Forum mall (the landmarks are all malls in this city) and rang up my great friend Mr. U. It’s 7 in the morning. And I’m in the middle of the road with all my life’s belonging packed up from Cochin (3 small trolley bags and one air bag if you’re wondering what I’m worth).  And I call U and he doesn’t pick up. I’m stranded in the middle of the road for half an hour and U doesn’t pick up. That brings me to one of the most important rules in Bangalore- No one wakes up early. If you expect someone to meet you early in the morning 9 times out of 10 it is not happening. The one time it may happen is when he/she has been drinking the whole night and hasn’t slept a wink. That’s the only time Bangaloreans see early morning!

But, I don’t blame them. I empathize with them. You see for a morning guy I used to get irritated that you don’t get a hot cuppa at 6 in the morning. But, now I understand that it’s nearly impossible to wake up in the morning in this city. The climate is just so frigging awesome that you just want to cuddle up under your blanket and snooze away to glory. It’s a pain trying to wake up, it really is. Ah… the climate!

Well, in life you always have to have a plan B. So Randi way my plan B. Randi will be up in the morning. Randi is not Bangalorean (and you will never be!), he’s Mangalorean! And off I went to Randi’s place. Randi cooked for me, cleaned up after me, spent money on me, took care of me so well. The only problem is that he has a girl friend. Sigh! (Ps: girl friend thinks she might lose him to me sometime.)

Office was simple enough. Day one I was told what to do and ten minutes later I was expected to be doing it. Work’s more fun in Bangalore I have to admit. It helps that I have a boss who explains things to me in a language that I understand. “Wealth management is a function of knowledge skills”, he says. “You need to constantly update yourself or”, he pauses for emphasis; “you need a good pair of tits. So what would you like to develop?” See, simple choices.

There’s money in the city. Insane amounts of it. It’s mind boggling for a guy who’s fascinated about numbers and money (I am both). And the best part is most people don’t have a frigging clue what to be doing with it (and that’s where I as a professional money manager come in!).

Office is a crazy place. The 3 of us in my team are obsessed with money and we spend all our talking about it. Asset allocation, planning, taxation, fund selection and most importantly- numbers. The kind of stuff we’ve been discussing and researching could fill up a couple of volumes on Wealth Management. I’m loving every moment of it. It’s also the first time I’ve worked in a place where most of the women come to office in skirts. I love it.

When you land down in Bangalore you get the feel that you’re in the middle of one giant party. Bangalore is all about having a good time. And everything is done in excess. Everyone’s always talking about booze and food. There’s a million restaurants and pubs in the city dishing out every conceivable type of cuisine. This is the booze capital of India. It’s a pleasure to walk in to a beverage outlet with the fancy lights and designer set-up and find variety of alcohol available for you to choose from. No wonder Vijay Mallya is from this city. It’s the culture here.

And it’s almost a sin to be vegetarian here. Even Brahmins here are beef-addicts. The only vegetarians here are the ones imported from outside. And even they (have to in order to be ‘cool’ enough) compromise with egg. One day at this pub after taking our order (beef, chicken, mutton and some more beef) my vegetarian roomie orders something veg. And the waiter goes like- “Saar athu vegetarian saar!” It is not expected that you will eat veg.

And so let me move on to my PG. I stay off Brigade road. Those in the know will have questions like- How? What? Really? Yes, I stay just off Brigade road, bang in the heart of the city. It took me a week to find this place. I walk to office (which is every Bangalorean’s dream never going to be realized). There’s 8 of us here in the PG. And I’m proud to say that each one is a character (I always end up in places like this!). We’ve already had long nights with guys playing the guitar, random chatting, ranting about the land-lord and his assistant. It’s good fun. Almost like a college hostel.

What I don’t like about B’lore is that it makes you feel like you need a car and you need a girl-friend(girl-friend and not wife, pls note the distinction). It hits you. So much that you could almost punch a guy with either and murder the guy with both. I don’t know why it is exactly but it a sentiment that many guys have shared with me. Must be the climate- ideal for romantic long-drives. (I’m getting old!)

This place is also a smoker’s paradise. You can light up wherever and whenever you want. Every small shop will have every brand of cigarette. It’s crazy. One thing I don’t get is why the quantities of food and drink are so small in this city. You order for a tea and they give it to you in one small plastic cup. Two sips and it’s over. You order a masala dosa and it fills half a small plate. However, you go to a pub and order a pitcher and it’s one massive one. I just don’t get it!

Initially the pace of life in the city was something I needed to adjust to. Cochin is dead at 8 P.M. Here I’m in office till 9:30. But it’s something I’ve slowly got accustomed to. And actually the pace of life is not hectic at all. People just stay out longer. You see the concept of “just chilling” must have been invented in B’lore. You call up a guy/girl and ask what he/she’s doing and the reply will be “just chilling”. And you can picture in your mind what exactly the other person is doing. It fits.  People from other places/ from a previous generation would think that it’s just a waste of time. No it’s not. It’s just chilling!

So I’ll leave you with that. Chill madi- enjoy madi! (Ps: picking up a smattering of Kannada and will be using it more often in my posts.)

Know Smoking!

It was a December evening. Was back from work early and had nothing much to do. Went back to my room, changed into my casual clothes and went down to the chai kadai on the street parallel to my lodge.

I’m a regular so I don’t have to place an order. I just need to be seen and automatically a strong tea and a Wills Navy cigarette end up in my hands. I lit my cigarette and was sipping my tea when I saw this guy who was about my age. He ordered tea and biscuits. He looked at me and smiled. We’d been noticing each other for some time. It was the first time he’d acknowledged me so I smiled back.

“Hi, my name is Sam”- he said introducing himself. “Ajai”- I replied.

“What do you do?”- he enquired.

“I’m a financial advisor. Work for an investment bank here in Panampily Nagar.”

“That’s nice.”

“Thanks. What do you do?”

“I’m a pastor.”

“Oh wow! Little young to be pastor na?”

“Ha… I’ve heard that before. Well it’s never too young to be doing what you love doing.”

I liked that answer. I nodded in agreement.

“Where do you preach?”- I asked.

“Church nearby, near Padma.”

“That’s cool.”

“Can I ask you a question?”- he enquired.

“Sure, go ahead!”

“Why do you smoke?”

I smiled and replied- “Because I enjoy it!”

He laughed and said- “That’s the most original answer I’ve heard.”

I smiled back.

“But, if you don’t mind, I’d like to prod. I don’t get why people smoke. Why people willingly consume that poison and drown themselves in it. It doesn’t make any sense.”

I’d just finished my cigarette. I stubbed it out. Ordered 4 more for the night, pocketed it and went back to my friend.

“Busy?”- I enquired.

“Not really”

“Want to go for a walk?”

“Ya, sure.”

We started walking down PT Usha road. I opened again.

“That’s a difficult one to answer. It’s a question I’ve asked myself. I guess it’s the kick!”

“What kick? I’ve heard many guys tell me about this ‘kick’. What are you actually talking about?”

“I guess you’ll have to experience it to know.”

“I’ve tried a cigarette once- a long time ago. I remember choking on the smoke. I remember telling myself this is ridiculous and there’s no way I can be doing this.”

“That’s usually how it is the first time.”

“So, what made you continue?”

“It was not my first experience. I didn’t cough when I first smoked. I don’t know why. Probably because my Dad smokes and I was around it so much.”

“Okay. But did you experience this kick the first time?”

“No. Actually the first time I did it I was like why the hell is nothing happening.”

 “So you continued till you got the ‘kick’?”

“Hmmm… you ask good questions. Yes, that’s what I actually did. Before you ask me why I did that let me answer. I thought it was cool and rebellious.”

“That is absurd.”

“No it isn’t. Might not be very logical, but not absurd.”

“So you still do it to be cool and rebellious?”

I laughed and said- “No. Today I know I’m cool and I know I’m rebellious. I probably do it to tap in to that part of me.”

“But, what about the consequences?”

“About the diseases and cancer and stuff right?”

“Ya. That and everything else.”

“Well, all things have consequences. I guess it’s up to the individual.”

“How do you do it when the consequences are so clear to you?”

“Well, a soldier knows the consequences of his profession. But, he still takes it up.”

“It’s not a fair comparison.”

“Well not an exact one. But, it was meant to highlight that the consequences need not be a deterrent. Look I have a simple funda. All things in excess are bad. You eat too much food and that’s bad. You sleep too much and that’s bad. Similarly if you smoke too much or drink too much it’s bad. You should do everything in moderation. Too much or too little can be a problem.”

“So you are saying everyone should smoke?”

“No. It’s like saying everyone needs to eat non-veg, doesn’t have to be. You can eat non-veg. Too much might not be a very good thing.”

“But, eating non-veg is good. It gives strength and proteins to the body. What does a cigarette do?”

“Eating non is good for us, but not for the poor animal that got killed. And non-veg is not ‘necessary’. We eat non because we enjoy it. Yes it has positives for the body. But, too much non is not good.”

“Yes, but smoking is not good for the body.”

“Different people react to different stimuli in different ways. And it’s not always about the body. It’s more about the mind. I go out to watch a movie not because my body will benefit but because my mind will. A cigarette probably falls in to that category of stimulus.”

“I can’t believe you are actually defending smoking and doing it quite well.”

“Thank you”- I said smiling.

“But smoking is a bad thing right?”

“Health wise- yes. And if you look at it at a social level again you could say it is better done away with. But, it’s a natural product. People have been doing it for ages and will continue to do it whatever happens.”

“So you are saying we should let people smoke?”

“They will do it even if you try to ban it. That’s the truth. It’s what’s happened with alcohol & drugs. Those who want to will find a way. Cigarettes are in some way better in the sense that the person doesn’t lose all control when he smokes.”

“Agreed!”

“And see all these things are kind of outlets. It’s a way for a guy to lose himself, to forget himself. This can be good and bad. Look if I’ve had a tough week and on the weekend I go to party, have a couple of drinks and have a good time to recharge myself, I think that’s an okay thing. It’s an outlet to remove the stress of the week. I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

“Okay!”

“On the other hand if I’m depressed- my girl just walked out on me and married a chutiya and I drink myself to forget my pain like Devdas- that’s plain silly, doesn’t serve any purpose. Both cases it’s alcohol, but for 2 entirely different purposes.”

“I get that.”

“Good. So it’s up to the individual. Each person should have the maturity to understand what he is doing and why he is doing it. Sometimes, people take a long time to figure. Some people never figure. But, each person reacts differently. And it’s probably part of the person’s growth, it broadens your outlook and gives you perspective. A person has to have the freedom to find himself.”

“That’s a way to look at it.”

“Yes, in this process of finding himself, if he becomes a menace/nuisance to society, then he needs to be stopped. No questions about that. It’s not going to be possible to ask each guy who buys a smoke or a drink- why are you buying it? Is it for a good reason or bad? However, if he starts a problem in society by his actions then we need to intervene and stop this guy.”

“So why do you smoke?”

“I answered that already didn’t I?”

“No. You seem like an intelligent chap. You know that smoking is not healthy. You could do other things to stimulate yourself. Why smoke?”

“Ah. That’s a good one.”

“And I’m waiting for your answer.”

I took out a cigarette and lit it. He watched me as I inhaled and then exhumed a cloud of smoke.

“I started because I thought it was cool and rebellious. I guess I’m still trapped in that image. I’m an extremely obsessive guy. I have OCD. Cigarettes are my stimulus. It helps me think. Whenever I’m stuck I go out and have a smoke. I don’t get the answer immediately, I admit to that. But, in some ways it stimulates my brain cells- keeps me going. Lightens the load and I feel good again.”

“Okay.”

“Ya, it’s also in some ways a statement I’m making. Fuck the world. Fuck all the gyan about it being unhealthy and expensive and all that shit. It’s my way of saying- ‘Fuck you’ to the world.”

“Why do you need to say that?”

“Part of my rebellious nature. Look, it’s subjective. You have to be me to understand it.”

“Right. Go on.”

“Having said that, I admit it has limitations. There have been occasions when I’ve been under severe stress and where I’ve smoked 40-50 in a day continuously for a period of time without going anywhere. Nothing happens. You are just stuck. Then the cigarette actually does the reverse- it increases your stress.”

“Glad you realize that.”

“Yes. I do. And that’s when I need to do something positive. When I need to go out and do ‘something different’, something that stimulates me in a different way to divert the mind so that I can come back to the problem later on with fresh energy and a better perspective. “

“It’s all about working your mind and stuff for you isn’t it?”

“Yes. Totally! I guess I continue to smoke because I still find it enjoyable. I don’t do it in excess. On normal days it still helps. When I’m drinking I smoke a lot. But, that’s probably the other end when I’m enjoying myself. I drink only when I want to have a good time and with good company.”

“Still not making sense.”

“No. It won’t. We are very different people. Look at the most basic level all I can say is that I smoke because I enjoy it. Is it good? Sometimes yes, it helps my mind. Sometimes no, it does the opposite. Health wise or money-wise I don’t have a defense. It’s stupid thing to do- no doubt about it. But we can’t and shouldn’t be objective about everything. Probably if I find something else to stimulate my mind, or if I get bored of it, I will move on. Might happen, might never happen.”

“What do you want to happen?”

“Ah! You ask such poking questions! Right now I’m comfortable smoking. I enjoy it. So that’s how it is going to be.”

“I hope you will change your mind.”

“I will remember you if I do. Night!”

“Good Night!”   

A 100 different takes!

Ladies & Gentlemen- it’s official… this is my 100th post on AJ’s take! Wooohooo!
I don’t want this post to sound like them speeches from the award shows. But, nevertheless, this is an important milestone for me. Thank you all for being part of this journey of mine.

I really don’t know why I started this blog. At that time, all those years ago, it seemed like a cool thing to do. At first I didn’t know what to write about. But, write I did. Then it came to a situation where I had too many things to write about! Nowadays, dear reader, it’s the lack of time that keeps me away from this blog. But, a new year promise to myself was to start writing more- A promise that I’ve so far managed to keep.

AJ’s take was & is meant to be my take on life and everything under the sun. This blog is me. It’s my canvas where I paint my imagination and ideas in letters for you.

I hope you’ve enjoyed what come your way so far. But do stick around because- the best, as always, is yet to come. Thank you once again. God bless!

On Marriage!

Statutory Warning: Explicit and misogynistic content.

Below is a conversation between 3 guys. Yes, I’m one of them and the other 2 will figure themselves when they read this. Basically when the 3 of us get together we talk about either ‘sex’ or ‘money’. Read on to know more.

A: Why the fuck do you have a sour face like you’ve just been raped or something?

R: Machan, nothing da.

V: Like hell nothing! Fuckin what is it?

R: Nothing re, wahi poorani shaadi ka lafda.

V: You idiot, you bloody deserve it.

R: Matlab?

V: Why do you want to self-rape yourself? No sane person will want to get married.
Why the fuck are you bringing it on yourself?

R: See, I can’t explain it to you 2 immature bastards. When your time comes you’ll understand.

V: Like hell!

A: Explain yourself whore-slut.

R: Fuck off!

V: Life ka sabse bada self-goal mar raha hai tu! There’s still time to recover. Tu ab bol… I’ll book tickets to Thailand and show you what life is about.

R: What’s there in Thailand?

V: Machan… it’s awesome… like hell!

R: Fuck off! I’m not interested in getting massages from prostitutes.

A: Machan V, there’s no hope for this boy!

V: See, I can understand it if your parents are compelling you to get married, if they’ve arranged a girl for you. At least you’re getting paid for your barbadi in the form of dowry! What use is there in going and doing love-marriage? You’re bringing barbadi on yourself muft mein!

A: Ya, I went to this wedding recently where the guy got an Audi Q5. Now- that somewhat lessens the pain of getting married.

R: I’ve never driven a car in my life… so there’s no use.

A: You’ve never fucked a woman in your life also… you still want to get married!

V: Like hell!

R: Marriage is not equal to fucking!

V: Like hell it’s not!

A: Look… I don’t care what you say… marriage is just a stamp of approval from society to go ahead and fuck.

V: Like hell!

R: Shut the fuck-up! The both of you!

A: But machan V, we to have salute R’s initiative da.

V: What machan?

A: See we generally sugar- coat the whole thing. But basically in an arranged marriage it’s your folks telling you- “Son- this is the girl you’ll have to have fuck for the rest of your life!” In a love- marriage you’re telling your folks- “Mom, Dad- this is the girl I’m going to fuck for the rest of my life.” Our boy R’s taken the initiative machan!

V: Like hell!

R: Fuck off!

Connecting the dots… A Tribute to Mr Jobs.

I’ve never owned an Apple product in my life. I’ve never been able to afford one. I don’t hold any grudge against anyone for that… it’s just how it is. So I don’t know how beautiful the products are, what the features & specs are etc. I’ve come across a few of their products in my life and I’ve always been fascinated by them. That’s maybe because everyone keeps raving about them.

My fascination for Mr. Jobs is therefore not because of the beautiful products he created. No, my fascination with Mr. Jobs is because of the ideals for which he stood for.

I read Mr. Jobs’ speech that was given in the Stanford convocation a long time ago. The speech was titled ‘Connecting the dots’. A friend of mine had forwarded it to me. I read it during a particularly difficult part of my life. I’ve starred the mail in my inbox and I read it whenever I’m in need of some zest. I was able to connect to what was said in a way that nothing else has. For many people Steve Jobs was a tech-guru, an innovator, an entrepreneur, the greatest CEO ever, etc, etc. But, what came through to me in that speech was that above all else -Steve Jobs was an artist! An artist is constantly trying to make sense of his life. An artist is constantly trying to find his place in the world. An artist always wants to contribute something. An artist creates something in his mind, executes it and changes society forever through his creation.

I believe in my heart that I am an artist. No religious sermon or text, no motivational speaker, nobody has made as much sense to me as Steve Jobs did in that small address. Like he says in that speech, you will never be able to connect the dots now but going forward everything will make sense, everything will fall in place. You just have to believe in that. I do.

When you connect the dots of Steve Jobs’ life you get one really beautiful picture and that will be his most lasting legacy. I know that one of the important dots in my life is reading that speech and let’s see where that will take me. Thank you Mr. Jobs for being an inspiration. I promise to Stay Hungry! and Stay Foolish! as long as I live.

New Year's Night '05-'06

6:30 PM, Baba's Ashram.
My phone was ringing. It was Dad asking me to be home asap.He wanted it that we spend new year together as family. Bah Humbug! I took a quick swig from the

beer bottle I was holding and passed it on to Gas. I told the boys I would be leaving now and would return later at night... probably after 12. 

Nobody had an idea about how much booze we were going to buy. And everyone seemed to have their own ideas. I tried to convince the boys to keep some booze aside for me. They tried to

convince me back saying -"Stay Gay Stay!", which came out exactly like how it reads and had/has too many connotations.  I gave my contri to Paneri sensing that he would be the only

sensible person around and left the room.

It was going to be one havoc party there in the room and I had to miss it thanks to family. What crap. I knew I was going to miss the best part of the party. Every party rides out

like a wave... it builds up and then comes crashing down. You need to be there for the build up. Else it's no use.

And it was with a very heavy heart that I left the ashram. We went out for dinner somewhere that night... the 4 of us. But my mind was with the happenings in the room. God... there

better be booze for me when I get back or I'll murder those mo-fo's.

We reached home after mid-night... cut cake together(an old family thing we do every new year). I then changed in to T-shirt and shorts and zoomed out of the house as fast as I

could. I could feel Dad's eyes on me... but I didn't give a damn.

I reached the room and the door opened... the first sight I saw was of a bucket and Kulla's head coming out of it. He was smashed and had just puked in to the bucket. He grinned at

me as I passed him and said..."Happy New Year Machan!" and then crashed. Already the first casualty of the night had happened and I hadn't even started!

Everybody came to give me a hug for New Year and I knew then and there that everybody was blown. Mani came, looked at me with those chinky eyes(which he gets when he's smashed!) gave

me a hug, wished me and then rushed to the bathroom to puke. I was thinking to myself- fuck, now Mani's going down too... Dammit!

I found myself a place in one corner. Baba poured a drink for me, there was still lots of that left thankfully... Baba and Paneri were the only slightly stable guys there. I took out

4 packets of Wills from my pocket, which I'd bought on the way, and dropped it between them. And the look in Baba and Paneri's eyes said it all... I could have written them a blank

cheque, given them a flight ticket to any where in the world, brought a super hot chick for them... but at that moment, there was nothing more important to them than having enough

fags for the night, and it showed through the glow in their eyes and their broad smiles.

Mani came out to where we were sitting... wiped his mouth with the back of his hands and said to Paneri-"Abey Peg bana bey!".
Paneri very dutifully made the peg and gave it to him... Mani looked at it and said disgustedly--"Abey pickle  kaun dega??? Tera Baap???".
Paneri looked away sheepishly. He took a sachet of lime pickle, opened it for Mani... who was waiting patiently while all this was happening...and gave it to him. Mani took a large

swig of Vodka from his glass and bit in to the pickle sachet.

It was like you'd set fire to a highly inflammable substance... Mani just took off!  He first changed the CD on the player to -"Hindi Music". He came to the center of the room... on

the mattress... and converted it in to a dance floor.  Kulla was lying dead in one corner of this same mattress by the way. Rasa followed Mani's leads and they both pulled their

"Dance Guru" Paneri to the center of the room and begged him to show the true path once again.

So Paneri started- "Remember boys... anyone who can do ordinary things can dance!"

He went on..." First you must start the scooter"... and he was kick-starting his imaginary scooter and Mani and Rasa were following him. "Then you must turn on the tap with your

right hand". So they were now kick-starting their imaginary scooters and turning on their imaginary taps at the same time. "And now finally... you must fix the bulb with your left

hand".  So to add to their previous movement they were now fixing their imaginary bulbs. 

Someone once said that from one great idea flows many other great ideas. And so it was... Paneri, Mani and Rasa discovered that they could convert many simple things in to dance

steps. Combing your hair, brushing your teeth, tying your shoe-laces, fixing a drink(which they actually performed and not just imagined!), putting on clothes, etc.

Baba got a call from Buddi. Buddi was in town for New Years and had nothing to do. Baba called him over... but Buddi was hesitating saying..."Machan I don't know any one there da!".

To which Baba replied..."What non-sense you have an old friend here"... I expected Baba to say my name but Baba said.."Old Monk!" I guess that did the trick because Buddi was there in 15 min flat.

So Buddi and me were starting on almost the same level there. I had had just one peg before he came. Buddi walked in to a room that was on fire. Buddi couldn't take his eyes off Mani. "Machan, is that our Mani?"- he kept asking me. "Machan I can't believe it da... what he was like in school... now see him!" And then..."Machan... I want to be in that state

da... that level da...let's drink fast so we can get there sooner!". I okayed that proposal. So we drank 3 neat shots one after the other and we were both happy.

But there was no matching Mani and Rasa... even the great dance guru Shri Paneri had to bow down and submit to their energy. Perfect case of the disciples going ahead of their

teacher. I made a peg for Paneri as he took a breather and surveyed his wards with a proud glint in his eyes.

Being the more stable guy there I was made de-facto in charge of the bar. I was making pegs for everybody. Mahadeo was lying down with his back against the trunk on which I was

sitting. He was clearly blown. He was like that even before I got there and couldn't even get up to greet me... he was clearly sloshed. I tried to talk him in to another drink but he

refused. He was like- "no machan... I'm finished." Suddenly Baba comes in behind me and takes the drink I'd made from my hand and gives it to Mahadeo and says- "drink". And Mahadeo

drinks. Then Baba points at Mani and Rasa and says- "now go dance". And Mahadeo gets up and starts dancing. Baba- thou art thy holy one!

Rasa came to me and said..."Machan make me my sixth peg da". So I made a large rum, with pepsi and some water and gave it to him. He had it one gulp and said..."machan... that was

only pepsi da... make one nice one". So this time I made one with water and gave it to him and again he downed it one gulp and said" machan... that was small da... please give me one

nice peg... my sixth peg." I was fed up. I poured one large and gave it to him neat. He gulped that down too in one shot and said-"machan what is this machan... make me one nice peg

da... give me my sixth peg da". I told him to fuck off and make it himself. This he couldn't do, he was too blown. So he kept asking everyone around to make him a "sixth peg". Some

obliged... but Rasa was still not satisfied... he'd go in between dances and ask everyone and anyone to "please give me my sixth peg!" and then continue with his dancing once again.

Kulla woke up in between because somebody had stamped him... he saw Mani, Rasa and Mahadeo putting on their imaginary chaddis and collapsed again. I guess he thought he was dreaming.

Jabbu... ah Jabbu... now Jabbu is a guy who takes his drinking very seriously. Matlab... he gets serious when he drinks. This is against every known convention but then Jabbu is

"hatke!". Jabbu was sitting in one corner, slowly sipping his drink and watching Mani and Rasa murder all the great songs of the time. He couldn't stand it. His blood boiled... he

got up...pushed everyone from the dance floor and showed everyone how to exactly do it. He was classy, his moves were crisp, beautiful and aesthetic. He stopped, expecting everyone to

burst in to applause... instead all he got was Mani's- "Chal hat!".

And Mani, Rasa, Mahadeo, Baba, Buddi, Paneri and myself were back to doing "simple ordinary dancing".Jabbu couldn't stand it. He decided he needed to be away from the crowd. He asked

me for my phone and went out. He came back saying-" Machan talked to one super hot chick now machan!". I said-"good for you!" He was like "get me Rasa's phone." I was like- "what

happened to mine?". "Balance over machan!"- he said. Bastard!

Rasa's balance too got over. Then Jabbu turned to Mani and asked him where his phone is... Mani did one exaggerated dance move and pointed to a phone lying in the corner(all this to

the rhythm of the music!). Jabbu picked it up and left. Mani came to me and said-"Gay that was Baba's phone!", and we both laughed our asses out. "And you know what's the best

part?"- Mani asked me. I told him I didn't know. "Baba's is a post paid connection!". I laughed so much my stomach hurt.

Beta Gas entered the room. He'd gone for mid-night mass. And he wanted to attend another mass at 7 in the morning again. In between he wanted to get sloshed and ended up in the

ashram. Rasa was the first one to greet him- "Happy New Year Machan... please give my sixth peg!". Gas was stunned.

Poor Rasa... no one was giving him his "sixth peg!". He'd exhausted all his options. He didn't remember asking Jabbu though. Jabbu of course was busy exhausting every one's phone

balances. But now the great problem... Rasa was so blown he couldn't make out who Jabbu was. In fact he couldn't make out anyone. He came to me and said- "Jabbu, give me my sixth peg

Jabbu!". I told him to fuck off. He repeated this with everyone in the room. Even to the extent of waking poor Kulla and asking "Jabbu, give me my sixth peg!".

Jabbu walked in a little later and was observing Rasa's indiscretions. He was getting very very very angry. He decided enough was enough... he caught Rasa by the collar and told

him-" listen mother fucker... this is Jabbu here and I'm telling you to go to sleep". Rasa looks at Jabbu intently for about 5 seconds. Then he turned to Gas sitting on his left and

says- "Jabbu sixth peg?". Jabbu gave up.

Mani beta collapsed suddenly. I guess the booze effect had worn out and he realized he had been dancing non-stop for abt 4 hours. Mahadeo also crashed. So the party had gotten a bit

silent and Rasa was really creating a nuisance. Baba caught Rasa and told him "Rasa, come I'll tell you a story" and took him along laid him down and put him to sleep. Baba... Baba

aap mahaan ho!

Buddi was just warming up. He needed some place to sit and all the places had already been taken. So he decided to rest with his back against Rasa's ass. We told him to be careful we

didn't want that bugger to get up and cause us trouble again. Buddi was like- " Bull shit this guy's going to get up any time now" and whacked Rasa's ass so fucking hard to prove his

point. Not a sound from Rasa. "See"- Buddi said with finality.

Buddi continued- "when I came here... I thought I didn't know any of you... but now... I feel like I've known all of you all my life Machan!"

We all did a cheers to that. Buddi- "Machan... this is what I actually am Machan... not that fucking Disco/clubbing and all that hi-fi bull shit. I'm this... I'm a bastard!". One

more cheers to Buddi.

"Machan....Manipal SUCKS!"

Jabbu- "Manipal doesn't suck."

Buddi- "How the fuck do you know? I'm from there... I know... Manipal SUCKS!"

Jabbu- "K..K.. Manipal Sucks."

Buddi- "Who told you Manipal sucks? Ah? Bastard... I'm from there... Manipal doesn't suck."

One by one Buddi and Gas collapsed. Jabbu, Paneri, Baba and myself were still around. It was 7. Paneri was like- "Machan... I want to hear Cat Stevens!". Baba got up and played Cat

Stevens. We were listening to some emotional song about a father to his son. Jabbu couldn't handle it... he konked off.

Baba was like- "Boys it's 7:30... why don't we do breakfast?". We agreed. I stepped out of the room and my world was spinning. I knew I was out and I had to lie down. I excused

myself and crashed. I got up around 10:30. All the boys had gone to the terrace to see the spectacular event so I went up too. Paneri and Baba were up there and still drinking!

That new year night was by far the best new year's I've ever had in my life. I didn't make any resolutions that night(thankfully!). But there's one promise I want to make to you guys- I will never forget you! Cheers... God Bless!

Saturday Night Live!

Well yes I'm back after a long hiatus. If you're expecting excuses then sorry you're going to be disappointed- I've run out of them!

I'm enjoying life in a new place. Well everything about the place is new( to me at least!). No one knows you... so you can give whatever build up you want about your past life and no one's the wiser(except yourself!). It's a new job (new career in fact!), new lifestyle( no more home cooked food- only bread and cornflakes for breakfast, 'meals' for lunch and 'something and anything'(read as 'soup' and 'maggi') for dinner, and small things like that.

But above all the best thing about a new place is the ability to make new friends. The first few weekends here in Cochin were excruciatingly painful. Of course it didn't help that I met with an accident and broke my hand... but that wasn't the real pain. The real pain was the emptiness of having to spend Sat night alone. I don't think I've ever done that in Chennai!

But now I have my Sat night buddies. A's a dentist- I call him Pallachi! (Mallu's and Tam's will get the pun intended- others just understand there is one!). N's a Ship Surveyor. WTF is that? Well, "it's like we give licences to ships like how RTO gives to cars"- his own words. "But isn't the license meant for the driver, in the sense, do you award licenses to the Captain and Co?" - I asked him. "No no no... you don't understand"- and he left it at that. So I can't really tell you what a Ship Surveyor is... sorry!

Anyway... two weekends back the 3 of us met up at my place and like all good boys in Mallu Land decided that we should head out for a drink. Now I'd come across this German guy 'R'- in a networking forum some time back. R seemed a friendly chap and I thought why not call him along. N & A agreed and so I called R.

It was nice(as in - entertaining!) to get directions from 'R' to his place. Mallu names(as in street names) sound so different when it comes off a German tongue.

We picked up R and headed to the Bar- wow that actually rhymes! But then the ultimate tragedy- Bars were closed because of elections and that meant our throats were going to be parched that night.

Never the mind that- we decided to head out somewhere else and get some grub. We went to a nice place and ordered food. The conversation was mainly small-talk. We were still getting used to each other I guess.  A & N were busy talking about food. R was sitting across me, listening intently and understanding nothing. Suddenly out of the blue R steers the conversation to women.

" So how zo you approach women here?"- he asked me in his thick German accent.

I smiled. "Why do you ask?"

"oh... just curious... I heard zat most marriages are zet up by the family."

"That's true! We're still conservative."

"Ummmm... ztrange!"- he said, for the first time that night.

"well things are very different here in India. Most love affairs happen in college. Kids get aroused by the freedom they get in college and most of them decide to have a crack at a relationship. But by the time college ends they realize that they're incompatible and they just end it. Then it's the arranged marriage route"- I tried explaining.

"Ummmm... ztrange!"

"Do you have a girl in Germany?"- N enquired.

"Not any more! I broke up before coming to India!"- he smiled.

"Ah.. so you want to try some chick here eh?" A nudged R and smiled.

"Well yes... but the choice iz poor here!"- R said. And for a moment we were all stunned.

"Well maybe we have different tastes"- I tried explaining. (Indian women- please note that it was I who stood up for all of you!)

"No no... you should see girls in Germany. They come from all countries. Very beautiful girls!"- R said.

*A little of track here. Yes I looked in to R's facebook profile and checked out all his "hot" friends. And they really are "hot"! You think I'm a pervert for doing so? Well yes I am. I've checked most "hot" profiles on FB. I'm not apologetic about it at all. If you- who is reading this- consider yourself "hot', then rest assured that I have either checked your profile already or will be doing so in the near future! Amen!

"So how zo you approach girlz here?"- he asked again.

"Well you can't be direct here... you've got to be tactful."- I said.

"In the zenze?"

"Like how would you approach a girl in Germany?"

"Well... I zee her in ze Pub and approach her and azk her if she would like a drink. Then we get talking and... you know... exchange phone no'z before we leave".

"Ah... that wouldn't work here!"

"Why not?"

"Because girls here don't like their guys being too direct. You've got to layer your approach. You've got to use tact. Like you can't ask a girl if 'she wants a drink' staright away. You've got to start the conversation with something else. Like maybe the music playing in the club. Or maybe talk about one of her friends or your friends. The direct approach is a no no!"

"Ummmm.... ztrange"

"Yes... do you have your eyes on anyone?" I enquired.

"Ummm... yes... there iz a girl in the bus stand... she'z very pretty!"

"Indian?"- A enquired.

"Yes"- R answered.

"Hey for you it will be very easy man. You're white guy. Girls will be ready to help you."- N offered.

"Really? Zo what should I do?"

"Just go to the bus stop tomorrow and ask her where the bus to some place is. Then ask her to show you which bus it is and get in to it."- N said.

"But I already know which bus to take!"- R said.

"Doesn't matter. Ask anyway... it's a good way to start a conversation. Then next day when she sees you- smile! She'll hopefully smile back. Enquire after her and start a conversation slowly. Maybe you could take it some place slowly."
- I said.

"Ummmm.... ztrange! But zat is very slow yes? I'm here only for 9 months. Will I be able to get this girl before that?"

A cupped his shoulders in a way of offering his condolences and nodded in the negative.

The 10 things!

Ah.... a Tag after a long time. I've been tagged my Mind Writer and I decided that it's been long and so I must comply.

CAUTION: Read at your own Risk!

Disclaimer: Mutual fund investments are subject to market risk. Reading this post may/can/will subject you to mental torture, agony, trauma, etc far beyond any mutual fund investment risk. It is suggested that you put the Ambulance no on your mobile ready to dial before reading this post.


If you've reached here... then I admire your bravery. Also I think you are an extreme risk-taker and no one should ever give you any insurance.

Well so here we go...

10 Things You Didn't Know About Me!

1. I am the guy in the previous post.
2. I am looking forward to getting married-so I can take a lot of dowry and live happily ever after. Besides, it's always nice to have someone else do the cleaning, laundry and cooking.
3. Rajnikanth once asked me to act in a movie with him... but I decided it wouldn't be fair to let the super-star play the role of a side-kick, and so I refused.
4. Vijay Mallya consults with me before hiring girls for Kingfisher Airlines and for the Kingfisher Calendar.
5. Karan Johar was in love with my friend Issam. He wanted him to change his name to KISSAM. But Issam refused and the love story died. It's in revenge that KJ makes all those sad movies.
6. Priyanka (Chopra), Deepika (Padukone) and Sonam(Kapoor) don't get along well because at one time they all had a crush on me. In fact my sources tell me that they still have strong feelings for me.
7. Barack Obama has to ask my permission before he says- "Yes We Can!"
8.  The world is bullish on India because I stay here.
9. I am the 'Man of your dreams', if you are a girl. And the 'Man you dream to be', if you are a guy.
10. I am very ambigous. I could be telling the truth, or I could be lying. You never know.

You can now dial the number on your mobile. Thank you.

A Lesson from History

I consider myself fortunate in that I still have some link with the village in which my ancestors lived. My grandfather built his house there, and my grandma and uncle's family still stay in the same place.

It's a beautiful place that still retains it's historical charm. Now this is more like personal history. Stuff like- where my grand-father used to sit after his walk- or where my grandmother's family lived- the small rivulet which, back in the old days, they had to cross by swimming (back then there was no bridge as there is now). There is a statue of Mahatma Gandhi in the village school which was donated by my great-grandfather. Small stuff which make me feel very connected to this little village, though I've hardly spent any time at all there.

Like all good villages my village too has it's own history and folklore. The Shivan Temple in the village is supposed to be over 800 years old! But the most eventful and interesting bit of common history(as different from personal!) for all you folks out there will be this: Tipu Sultan had come to my village!

Yes, the story goes that the great- 'Tiger Tipu' had set foot in my little village all those many centuries back. Now Tipu Sultan, for those of you who don't know, is one of the most famous Kings from Indian History. He ruled over the state of Mysore in the late 18th century, and for long was the British's most feared enemy in India. He fought many battles with the Brits, but he lost the war and had to surrender his kingdom. And with that, the last whiff of resistance to British rule was put out.

For this reason many consider Tipu to be a great hero. There was even a television series on him that used to play on National TV. He's part of Indian Legend. But the story coming out of my village was very different.

According to folks in the village, Tipu was a ruthless plunderer who cut down/grabbed anything that came his way. He was responsible for some savage acts of brutality and one of these has actually to do with my village.

One peculiar thing about my village is that there are no Brahmins. For those of you wondering what's so peculiar about that- let me explain.  Most villages in India are organized along caste. Each caste will be represented in each village. You don't have a village of only high-caste or only low-caste people. Each caste fulfilled a particular role or duty to fit in the larger scheme of things. That's why in most villages you find that each caste will be represented.

But there are no Brahmins in my village(which hopefully now, after my explanation, you will find peculiar!). The story was that Tipu came to the village and ordered the Brahmins to convert. The Brahmins refused and, in an act of most savage brutality, he killed the whole lot of them and destroyed the main temple.

Proof that this temple existed has been found. It's on top of a hill right next to my village. It is said that in the olden days it was as famous and sacred as Sabarimala. Sabarimala has only 18 steps to climb. But this hill has 200 steps. The villagers have got together recently(recently in my village is 50 years back) and re-built the temple.

So reading the above story you will understand why I didn't admire Tipu like most others did. To me- he fit the perfect stereotype of Muslim ruler and I hated him for that. Stories and legends like that make you believe in what many of our Hindutva brigade are saying. They make your blood boil.

But this last time when I went to my village I decided to do a bit of research on the topic. I found an old book that was titled -" The History of Kakkayur". Kakkayur is incidentally my village's name. The book was in Malayalam(which I can't read) and was supposed to be very well researched. I got my 2 younger cousins to sit with me and we went through  the whole thing.

Finally we reached the legend of Tipu in Kakkayur. According to the book- Tipu never asked the Brahmins to convert. It was a devious scheme of the erstwhile Nair community(which I belong to!) to use Tipu's services and drive out the Brahmins from the village and become the most important caste. The book doesn't go in to the details of what exactly happened but just gives the brief. Oh... and the Brahmins... they didn't die... they just shifted base to a nearby place and started a village out there all on their own. This village still exists!

Oh... and the temple... it wasn't destoyed by Tipu. It was destroyed in a great fire.

So you see... everyone has their own little version of history. People bend history to suit their needs. My ancestors must have known that they were complicit in driving the Brahmins out of Kakkayur and thus decided to villify Tipu Sultan to save themselves. And that legend just passed on and on and on.


What did I learn from the whole thing? Don't jump to conclusions on history. Do your own research. Usually people are hiding something somewhere. It's for you to dig and find out.

And I'm not singling out my ancestors here, or my caste. Everyone's guilty of the same thing. At a personal/ group level we all make up stories along the way- and finally we end up believing those stories. And that's an important lesson for us to learn from history!

Publishing Dreams

Like all good bloggers, I too dream of one day being able to write a book and getting it published. In fact blogging is actually a means to that end.

I started off trying to see what I was good at( I still don't have a clue. Creating a bit of controversy- maybe! :P). I thought blogging would help clear a lot of things in my mind. That hasn't happened the way I foresaw it. But still having over 50 followers has given me some sort of confidence.

No, but seriously, what genre of writing do you think would suit me? I've tried a few things here. Please don't say autobiography. I have a long way to go before writing that. And don't ask me to write your life story. Even a writer of formidable talent such as mine is going to find that task a little too difficult to accomplish.

Look at the scenario like this. You are given a writer(me- bad luck eh? :P) and you can ask me to write a novel/book on any topic under the sun. Remember I'm the author(I won't let you forget!). So what kind of book would it be?

Right... so you think about that and leave your answers in the comments section of this post. Now we come to the second part. Once my book is published I'll need people to buy the books so I can earn royalties. Now I come from a fairly large family(when extended). So I could easily sell about 50 books in the family itself. That's a start. Now all readers of this blog( yes, that includes you) will buy 2 copies each. Why 2? Well, check both copies for spelling mistakes. ; )

So that means around a 100 books will be sold. You, thought you would get yours for free? Ha! Don't you remember that story of the wise man who said there's no such thing as 'free-lunch'. Well, there are no free books either- at least there won't be from this wise author!

Well, let's get back to being serious. I'm sure most of you there would have thought of getting published some day. And I'm sure quite a few of you have already got stuff published. I'd be happy to learn from your experiences. What is it like? What are the procedures? Who are the big guys and small guys of the publishing world and which guys are open to new concepts and ideas? I'm sure these questions pass through most aspiring writer's minds.( not to forget the never-ending task of trying to come up with a decent enough story!)

I'd written somewhere that I wanted to get my book published by the end of this year. I have no clue if I'm going to be able to keep my target. I hope I can. I have an idea in my head and I've had it in there for sometime. I've discussed the idea(story) with a few people and the response has been generally favorable. No, I'm not going to share tid-bits here. You'll have to buy the book to find out more. Have To! : )

So hopefully someday in the not too distant future you will have a book in your shelf with Ajai Ravi Kesavan written on the cover.  Cheers to that.  : )

Ahem Ahem!

I've been there... done that. 

Been where and done what? Disappeared, and come back promising my readers that I'd be more regular with my posts and catching up with my blog-dost's posts. But... there is only one AJai Ravi Kesavan. Thank God for that will you please. : )

Blogging sort of went in to the background. After the initial high(which lasted a year) I sort of let it run through. Sort of became complacent. I'm known for this. Most of my friends reading this post will be nodding their heads reading this and saying to themselves.."yes.. that's our AJai".

Well... I am like that. I don't like it. To be fair I have been kinda busy. Been sort of running around a lot. Doing a lot of traveling. So getting time to write was one thing.

And the biggest mistake I made was waiting for something to write. That's not good. You've just got to go with the flow sometimes. Write whatever comes to you at the moment. Like I am doing now. 

Blogging is not a high stakes game. It's an outlet. If people like your stuff... good for you. If they don't... doesn't matter. You've got to go with your flow. It's the place to experiment. To fine-tune your talent. To practice, to learn and to grow.

I thought I'd keep a day in the week for blogging... or something like that. But I don't want it to be that way. It should be more instinctive. That's better na?

So Dear Reader, if you've made it till here you're obviously someone who cares a lot. Do come back here. I hope to have something exciting for you each time. Take Care.

AJai

The Actor's Diary

Well here it is. The much awaited post is here. I can see long queues lining up outside. Wait! This is a blog post not a cinema hall!


So my dear fans, this is where I reveal all. You privileged readers get the first dope on the making of the next phenoMenon! 

K... Enough of hype. That bit should have attracted the eye-balls. 8 ). So here we go.

Well it all started with a lil write-up in the paper about auditions for a play. I called up and they asked me to come and audition. There was a fairly big crowd, people were constantly coming and going. There was the core bunch who were running the show. So I went and approached them. They gave me a small script and asked me to read from it. It was something funny. I seemed to have done quite well. I was called for the next round. I also came to know that it was a pantomime. Well, to be honest I didn't have a clue as to what that was so I came back home opened the dictionary and checked the word out. So then things started making sense.

So I went the next day and there was a huge crowd. We were all made to stand in a circle. We did some small exercises where we had to portray funny scenes in a single shot- like a photo. Then we had to mouth some funny lines and stuff like that.

Then comes the funny part- I was down with a bad bout of diarrohea. I couldn't follow up with the auditions and I thought well that's the end of that. 2 weeks later I thought well let me call up and see... maybe I'll get  tiny bitty role. Even that would be great. I called and the director said I could come over.

I did. And improv's were going on. Improv is short for improvisation. You are given a scene or a character and you have to enact it. By now we had the outline of the play so people were trying the different characters they wanted to portray. I just watched the first time. I didn't have a clue what needed to be done. After that day's proceedings the director singled me out and said that I would have to do an improv the next day.

So I went back home and I thought up an improv. I went the next day and performed it. And it went of superb. I got a real long loud applause and I was pleased as punch. I so badly wanted to portray the villain. I have written about this improv before. It's here.

So after my improv I went back and sat down with everyone. And I could hear whispers, people were saying- "you know this guy would make a fantastic Bond!".

Next day and the day after that nothing much happened. Then casting was going to be announced. There were going to be heroes, heroines, villains, the support cast etc. There were going to be 4 heroes. Superman, Harry Potter, Shaktimaan...and aloha... I became Bond... James Bond!

I love Bond. I love the movies, the books, the character everything about it. So I thought this was going to be fun. But now the problem comes. Bond is a suave, sophisticated, smart guy. We were doing a pantomime which is an over the top comedy. The two don't necessarily go with each other.

The thing with Pantomimes is that the director will tell the actors where he expects the scene to go. That's all. It's for the actors to come up with improvs by themselves. And I was having a horrid time with that. My lines wouldn't work. Quite often in the middle of a scene I wouldn't know what to do, what expression to portray. Initially thing had started of brilliantly for me... but now it was all going horribly wrong.

Oh... I forgot to add one more thing. Pantomimes have songs and dances. And I found out 2 things. 1- I'm a lousy singer. 2- I'm a lousy dancer. The dancing routines were simply terrifying. Thankfully I didn't have to sing.

You know when things have to go wrong they will. People were telling me my voice was not loud enough, my acting was pathetic, my dancing was even worse than that. I was going in to a shell and I didn't know what to do.

Everyone else was already in character. So they were coming up with their quirks. They were coming up with the spontaneous responses to situations and stuff like that. And I was totally and completely lost. I knew I'd made one big bloody mistake.

Then about 3 weeks from show time the director asked everyone to write feedback about what they felt about everything in the play. I was honest and I wrote that I was screwing up big time. The feedbacks were read out to everyone. Turns out that everyone else felt the same about me. : )

A couple of days after that the director called me aside and told me frankly that my character was not working. I agreed. He told me to come up with something quickly otherwise I'd be thrown out and they'd replace me with a professional. I was bringing the whole play down and that was not fair to the others. I agreed.

So I knew I was going to be thrown out. I was pondering on whether I should go for the show when it happens. It would be odd sitting in the audience after being a part of it for so long. On the other hand I wanted to know how the play would shape up. So I went for that day's improv with nothing to lose.

I don't know if it was the Steve Martin/ Rowan Atkinson videos I was watching, but that day my character clicked. I played a goofy Bond. A wannabe Bond. And from then on things started falling in to place. I started building rapport with my fellow actors. My character started working, our scenes started working.

I was the last guy to get in to character. Most of the scenes had come out already. So I didn't have as many lines as say the other 4 heroes. That added to my resentment initially. But later I didn't care too much about it. You see I was still a hero and that meant I would have a lot of time on stage. And dialogue is only one part of acting. More important than that is emoting. For that you have to get in to character to be able to pull it off. Now that I finally had my character I was able to emote properly and even my emotions were getting noticed. I was thrilled.

So finally the shows came. Our first show was for a school. Our whole performance was not up to the mark. It was my first time on stage. So I made more than a few mistakes. Like for eg- I would leave stage as my normal self. You can't do that. You have to leave in character. I had to leave like the goofy Bond.

Sat night show. The crowd was just awesome. I think the crowd helped me a lot. When you crack that first joke and the audience laughs... it's one of the best feelings in the world. I think I gave a good performance there.

Sunday morning I was tired. I had to run in the morning to meet a friend. Show was in the evening and night. I don't knw what but I just didn't feel right about Sunday evening show. And I didn't perform very well. No one said anything to me. But I felt it inside. I didn't have the energy. I felt I'd let myself down. I think I had too many things on my mind.

So before Sun night show I got in to costume and then I just sat on a bench just behind the auditorium and closed my eyes to everything. Guys were all coming to stare at me. I was like the "Bond Buddha!".I didn't care. I just did it. I don't believe in meditation and all generally. But that time I just felt like doing it and I did.

And I think I gave my best performance on Sunday evening. I was totally completely in character. I had energy. I didn't miss anything( at least nothing that I can remember!). It was a good show for me and most of the cast too. It was great.

So that was my acting sojourn. I had a blast. I have learnt many things about myself. I have learnt that I love acting. I have learnt to respect people who are actors. It's not as easy as it seems. It is most definitely not.

I hope I will get to do more plays in my life. Crossing my fingers. : )



 

Back from the Blast

Hi folks. I know I haven't been blogging quite as regularly as I used to. But it's only because life was getting incredibly hectic. Mornings I had to dedicate time to my work. And evenings were taken up by rehearsals. I'd get back home only by 11. And after all that running and dancing you really don't feel like sitting in front of a monitor.

The play went off really well. We did 4 shows and all were full houses. I will blog about my experience soon. But let this post be like a warm up. You know... so that I can get back in to the groove.

The crazy schedule of the past few weeks means I've not been able to do many of the things that I like doing. Blogging is one of them. Reading is another. Doing the morning sudoku, stuff like that. Small things. But things that you know... make you you or me me. Things that one enjoys doing. I mean I want to do so many things everyday of my life. But I almost never get in to any routine.

Why is it like that? Why is it so difficult to strike a balance? Life shouldn't be so complicated. Life shouldn't be about having to make a choice between 2 (or more great) options. We should be able to bake the cake and eat the whole thing too.

And the key to unlock this great mystery of life is discipline. Yes... the dreaded 'D' word. My life is one big gigantic battle with this 'D' word. And, quite frankly, I always end up having to wave the white flag.

Well, not any more I said to myself last night. I'd taken a day off after the madness of the weekend(we had the shows over the weekend). So I told myself- 'Tuesday morning and you are going to get back in to the groove and extract vengeance on D. Muhahahahahahahaha!'

I decided that I was going to get up early(by 6). Take Kasper out for his walk. Then go for a swim and then get back and get to work and...

So I got everything ready for the next morning. Put my mobile alarm for 6, my table clock alarm for six and off I went to sleep at 11. Kasper himself is an early riser.( He's been thoroughly spoilt by my folks. Gets up at 6 in the morning and all. Sheeeesh!). So in any case I had to get up early to take him out.

And so the next morning I opened my eyes and saw Kasper lying at my feet. I felt around for my mobile and looked in to the screen and realized that it had switched off- no battery. And then I finally looked in to the table clock and that had stopped at exactly 12:15. So I went in to the drawing room to look at the time. It was 8AM. Everything in the universe had conspired against me.

K... this is bit like Tom & Jerry isn't it? Me and the D. Gosh! Will somebody please change the script please. At least once please. Pleeeeech!